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I like to friend friends of friends then unfriend the first friend to freak out the friend of a friend.
It must be really hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest because I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
I`m lucky to be broke at a time when minimalism and sustainability are in style.
You call it "Road Rage". I call it "Aggressively maneuvering around a$$holes that don`t know how to f*cking drive."
The number one reason why trick or treating is better than sex is, you can do the whole neighborhood.
I have no idea what a bejeezus is,,, but apparently mine scares easy.
Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child
Roses are red, Violets are blue... Sunflowers are yellow. I bet you thought this would be something sweet and charming, but it`s just some garden facts.
im so hungry, im farting fresh air
I may be crazy but I say if you can`t talk to yourself, who can you talk to.
I consider "Not Dishwasher Safe" to be more of a challenge than a warning.
Today I caught myself smiling ... I was thinking of you ... Don´t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
Today feels like a stay in bed, pull the blankets over your head, and pretend you`re on an adventure in a kangaroo`s pouch type of day
A "Tap Out" sticker on your mini van still makes it a mini van.
Someone asked me if I`m ever scared that I`ll be alone forever, which I thought was so rude because my cat was right there.