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The most common name In China is Chang, correct me if you think it’s Wong.
As you Mature... you learn that you cannot make someone love you.. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in..
If others are jealous, you’re doing something right.
Listening to your wife is like reading the terms and conditions of a website. Sometimes you understand nothing, and still you say..."I Agree".....!
It only takes one slow walking person in the grocery store to destoroy the illusion that I am a nice person.
Every time I see a preview for Hoarders, I grab the closest thing to me and immediately throw it away.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, “well that’s not going to happen.”
I`m the type of person that would thrive in solitary confinement.
I get so excited when Facebook tells me there are hot singles in my city who want to meet me. Maybe they want to babysit!
Being an adult is a lot like going to the vet. We`re all excited for the ride until we realize what it`s like where we`re going.
Me, a morning person? Pfft. Most days I`m not even an afternoon person.
My new voicemail: “If you have reached this recording, please hang up and text me.”
It`s not you, it`s me. I can`t stand you.
I love in horror movies how the person yells out "hello?!" as if the killer is gonna say "yeah I´m in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"