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If every U.S. sports team converted to metric, Americans would understand the metric system by the next game.
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
Calling your girlfriend by her Moms name during a fight is a great way to escalate the situation.
I`m convinced some people got married just so they could gripe about being married...
It takes balls to be a man.
Some mornings it`s best just to fill the sink with coffee, dunk you head in, and suck.
Marriage is like a public toilet. Those waiting outside are desperate to get in. Those inside are desperate to get out
Time is precious ... waste it wisely!
I say ” I shouldn’t be telling you this,” at the beginning of every conversation so people will listen to what I’m saying.
I can catch a speeding bullet- only once.
Instead of going to Starbucks, I make my own coffee, yell my name out incorrectly, and then light a $5 bill on fire.
Soon ovens will come with webcams and wireless connections so that posting photos of your dinner will be even easier.
My haters only have one advantage over me. They can kiss my a$$, I can`t.
Those 5 donuts I ate are really going to give me an extra boost during my workout today.
just want to point out that Cinderella is living proof that shoes can change your life!