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I read that a banana a day will help keep your colon clean. I just wish they would’ve mentioned that you’re supposed to eat them.....
Akward Moment Is When Your Twin Sister Calls You Ugly(:
I can still remember a time when I knew more than my phone
The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I have explosive diarrhea right now,"
The sole purpose of a child`s middle name, is so he can tell when he`s really in trouble.
The IRS suggests filing early to reduce the chance that someone will steal your identity and file before you. Honestly, if somebody wants my identity so badly they`ll file my tax return for me, go crazy. You can mow my lawn while you`re at it, too.
A cool thing about being in a relationship is that when you make a mistake you get to hear about it over and over.
Tupperware: When you want to throw out your food some other day.
I`m just saying a sarcasm font could go a loooong way!
Studies show that people who want tribal tattoos are directly related to living under a rock
i just fell off a 20ft ladder.. good thing I was on the first step.
I`d like to have a child one day ... Two days, tops.
I kinda like zombies...but can we go ahead & decide whether they can run fast or just walk? ... my apocolypse plans depend on it ... thanks!
It`s only a matter of time until "Security cameras of Wal-Mart" become a hit reality show.
Some days it´s not worth chewing through the straps.