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You know vacation should be over when all you do is sit around naked, drinking fruity malt liquor beverages
The part of “no” that I don’t understand is the part where I don’t get what I want.
Hiding from people at parties is my cardio.
Everyday I’m shoveling. – Winter 2014
Don`t get me started Bitches, I don`t come with brakes.
"May the 4th" be with you!
You will attract attention if wearing a skirt on a windy day. This is doubly true if you are a man.
My bucket list: 4 drumsticks, 2 thighs, 2 mashed potatoes with gravy, and 2 biscuits. Extra crispy.
Women who say the quickest way to a man`s heart is through his stomach, have not seen his browser history.
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head...
Waldo’s mom must be worried sick.
It’s called a “remote” because those are your odds of finding it when you want to change the channel.
I turned out ok for a kid raised in a large part by Bugs Bunny.
If you get pulled over, ignore the cop and tell him that your mommy told you not to talk to strangers.
Black holes must be where God divided by zero.