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That mini heart attack you get when the parked car next to you moves and you think you’re moving.
Me, watching the Olympics: "That was impressive." Announcer: "ANOTHER DISASTROUS MISTAKE!"
I wish the "Do not ask me again" option existed in real life.
I told you I was trouble. You should have listened to me instead of staring at my boobs.
All I`m saying is, China could have a much better relationship with the West if they shared their dragons with us. But, whatever, be that way.
I don`t have ADHD. I have ADOLS. Attention deficit..OH LOOK! Skittles!
Mo’ money, mo’ problems. This explains why I don’t have problems.
Coffee keeps me busy until it`s time to be drunk.
If you ever come over unannounced, it`ll take me at least three minutes to answer the door because there is no way I was already wearing pants.
Chess says everything about men and women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
Anyone else think there should be a sarcasm font?
Don`t half a$$ it. It`s not a real nap unless you take your pants off.
I don`t need your advice. I do a great job of screwing up my life all by myself, thank you!
To Do List: 1: Buy a knife 2: Call it kindness 3: Kill people with Kindness
I’m not single and I’m not committed… I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves…