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If you got up this morning and ran straight to fb i am 100% POSITIVE its because you missed me.
The first step to admitting you have a problem is having a problem.
Two knives taped together are not a suitable alternative to scissors.
Tomorrow, history will be made. Months and months of advertisements and anticipation has led up to this historic day. America will see firsthand what is surely to be a historic event, and I am proud to say I will do my part and pick up my copy of Halo 4.
I applied for a government job today and accidentally sent the wrong resume. This early display of incompetence should work in my favor.
Hell yes, I would love to get stoned to death. Wait, rocks?! What rocks?
My dog’s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I’d like it to be.
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever
Tell a girl she pretty she`ll believe it for a minute. Tell a girl she has Miley Cyrus` butt she`ll believe it for a lifetime
I have a black belt in leather
I don’t care how loud I’m laughing, I’m having fun and you’re not.
I declare today, “Hit that dumb person you’ve always wanted to punch in the face day.”
Here`s an idea...Duck Dynasty Chia Pets
Picking your nose doesn`t make you a bad person. .... but what you do with the booger will define you.
I broke up with my girlfriend by e-mail. I don`t know what upset her most, the fact that I did it by email or the fact that I cc`d my new girlfriend who wanted proof.