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Corduroy boxing gloves deliver the best punchlines.
Don`t half a$$ anything. F*ck it up all the way.
A gentle reminder about Daylight Savings Time: If you thought last Monday sucked, this one will prove to be much, much worse.
Men are trained from birth that happiness comes from either boobs or a bottle.
When I see a man with long fingernails, my first thought is wizard. My second thought is virgin wizard.
Fellas.....the girl on the flyer is never at the club
Such a satisfying feeling when “the one that got away” turns into “dodged that bullet”
I eat tacos over a tortilla so that way when stuff falls out Boom another taco.
Money may not buy happiness but it can certainly improve the quality of your misery
okay it was me..... I did it ..... I let the dogs out
I may have no one rocking my world right now, but I have no one ruining it either!
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything... Well, my phone number for a start.
New marital Status update : Taken, but only for GRANTED
Apparently telling the airline stewardess that airplane food is "da bomb dat hijacked my tastebuds" is not considered a compliment......
Wonders why there´s an ice cream truck for kids but not a frozen Margaurita truck for adults?