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I`m sorry did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
You know you are old when your parties have glasses instead of red plastic cups.
It´s Friday-O-Clock!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Things I hate about work: 1. Waking up 2. Humans 3. Working
Roughly 82% of my day is trying to decide what my next meal will be
After a while you just get used to people not understanding.
I noticed you`re not yourself today. I really like it.
Life is different in Christian frats: “You should’ve seen this hot chick I didn’t bang.” “Way to save it for marriage, bro.” *fist bump*
I`m optimistic that within my lifetime it will become acceptable to wear your underwear to the supermarket.
The only complaint I have about being married is being married.
We`ve spent years planning and preparing for the zombie apocalypse all for nothing......clowns....its gonna be clowns that finish us off.
I thought "twerking" was short for "networking". I really embarrassed myself while giving that presentation to the company`s Board of Directors.
There are plenty of fish in the sea ...That`s cool and all....but I`m a human.
The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.
Years of education, solving tough problems, handling complex issues, yet we take a while standing before glass doors thinking whether to Push or Pull.