Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
New Rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I am guaranteed at least one attempt at trying to trip you.
My eye problems starts on Mondays and ends on Friday evening. I see clearer after the fourth bottle.
Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings.. ;)
Age has its advantages. Too bad I can`t remember what they are.
How to live a happy life: 1)Do whatever you want 2)Don`t worry 3)Eat whatever you want 4)Don`t take advice from strangers on the internet
Please: No,No.No-More about how you think relationships should be: we`ve got it , Your Single,,- get off facebook and go take your own expert advise...
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
As I slid my finger slowly down her G string, I thought to myself "this is a nice guitar"
It must be really hard to judge wet t-shirt contests. I saw one recently, and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
I keep my TV volume at "screw the neighbors".
is clapping his hands and stomping his feet because he is happy and he knows it.
Whenever I select next-day delivery for an online purchase, I imagine someone, somewhere, yells "CODE RED, CODE RED" really loud then people scurry like mad.
You’re not important enough to have haters. You just have a few people who notice you’re an a$$hole.
My favorite machine at the gym is the one you put change in and snacks come out
Is it too early to start drinking? - some moron with a clock.