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I have an inferiority complex, but it`s not a very good one.
I`m still waiting for that fairly tale scene where the animals clean everything for me.
There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying "I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."
No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a light saber.
My safe word is letsgetmarried.
What`s the lowest IQ someone can have while still being a relatively full functioning adult? My wife wants to know.
Our office just got a new conference table. It sleeps 20.
apparently telling my girlfriend her acuracy is as high as a magic 8 ball wasn`t a good idea.
keep scrolling… it gets better lol
I hate when I put food in the microwave & it starts makin explosive noises so I check and it’s cold like why you gotta play me like that.
Next time you see someone you don`t like, begin conversation with "I see the assassins have failed."
Respect your parents, they pay for your internet.
A guy knocked on my door asking for a small donation for the local pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
I dont hate you but, if you put `just about to jump off a cliff` as your facebook statuses i would poke you
The sun and I have an understanding. He gets up before I do.