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Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you`re in.
lol <- looks like a stick man drowning. lol
You never know what you are missing,until you clean your room.
People in love use phrases like “takes my breath away” and “swept me off my feet”. I think they’re confusing love with attempted murder.
As a man I am so thankful I don`t have to give birth. I could never go nine months without drinking.
i dont drink any more and yet again i dont any less either
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you`ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a beer while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care..
when I`m quiet, strangers look at me and think I`m shy. People who know me think: OMG! he`s thinking! EVERYBODY RUN!
I`m going to switch my car insurance from Geico to Allstate, then to Statefarm, then back to Geico. If my calculations are correct, they should owe me $837
Gee I wish I could push the envelope... But it`s stationary.
That sound the Ketch-up make when you squeeze out the last drop, NEVER fails in making people laugh
Maybe I`m not stalking you, maybe I just like your schedule
If you step on someone`s foot, they open their mouth just like trash cans.
The Wizard of Oz is the ultimate chick flick. It`s about two women trying to kill each other over shoes.