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I took a sexual harassment course yesterday...I think I`m going to be pretty good at it.
I decided to tell the kids that Santa is made up but nighttime home invasions are very real.
If one door closes & another door opens, you’re probably in prison.
Technically, it isn`t pre-marital sex if you have no intention of getting married.
I hate when I´m laughing & my a$$ falls off.
I kind of feel like getting some work done today, so I’m just going to sit here until that feeling passes.
Just joined the support group Hokey Pokey Anonymous ... A place to turn yourself around. ;)
Guys, Everyone. Listen. I`m going to say two words that will change your lives. Pizza Tacos. I know. Just breath.
When the hostess at the restaurant says “table for 2?” I always like to look surprised and whisper “you can see her too?”
Just spent the last 30 minutes cutting a Batman mask off the back of a box of Honey Nut Cheerios & my kid thinks he`s gonna get to wear it.
if truth is what u want...in return alcohol is all I want...
They call them heated seats because rear defroster was already taken
Very little scares me. So does very big.
Do you guys remember 10 years ago, when all the people with gluten allergies were dying in the streets like diseased cattle?
I accidentally did yoga once when I couldn`t reach the toilet paper.