Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The only thing I`m really learning from this 401K meeting at work this morning is that I`ll probably never be able to retire.
Today`s big idea - Coffee eye drops
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
Laugh now, but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world
Smile, it confuses people. ;)
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek
It’s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
Sometimes it’s the little victories, like depositing a dollar to avoid overdraw fees that make me feel like a responsible adult.
In a thousand years, archeologists will dig up tanning beds and think we fried people as punishment.
It’s impossible to bring up life insurance with your spouse without it seeming like you plan to have them whacked.
Isn`t it strange that bankruptcy attorneys don`t let you make payments....
In my porno they`d deliver the pizza after they had sex because otherwise it`d just get cold.
Vodka...deleting memories since...uhh...
When I`m home alone and I walk into the basement, I start talking out loud about all the karate I know.
I hate driving so much that I even ring for taxis on grand theft auto.