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Opposites attract, that’s the trouble with being awesome.
I think the next Star Wars movie should go Country! I would be excited to see Garth Vader.........
If you check Page 4, Paragraph 16, Subsection (d), right after the section on Video Game usage, but before the Book Report Procrastination provision and the No Face Piercings, Ever Amendment , you will that see that I am, in fact, and I quote: "the boss of you."
Why can’t the shower just naturally keep itself clean?
The only time my wife will ever scream "DEEPER, DEEPER" is when they are lowering my casket into the ground
Much like a dog, men will pretty much do anything you want if you feed them first.
When I die, I want a cellphone in my coffin…just in case.
My boyfriend is being so nice to me since I showed him how easy it was to remove blood from carpeting...
It’s what’s on the inside that counts, unless you’re talking about one of those hollow chocolate bunnies.
Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.
Why doesn`t, "I have a headache!" work for when I don`t want to mow the yard?
Don`t ya wish you could hold people up to the light like a $20 bill to tell if they`re fake or real?
If he`s dumb enough to send you a generic message in a mass text...be smart enough to reply to all "I still haven`t gotten my period."
I’m off for a quiet beer. Followed by fourteen noisy ones.
As I get older, I`ve learned to relax and not stress over trivial matters. Just kidding, I`m drunk.