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the kids next door challenged me to a water fight. I`m just updating my status while the kettle boils
It would take a pretty stupid robot to replace me.
wishes life would hand me lemons especially today.. that way I`d have something to throw at the people that are pissing me off
figured out today that my GPS has auto-correct....I put in "Beach house" and ended up in my ex`s driveway.
I get a real kick out of people who drive a mile in their car to run a mile on a treadmill.
I hate when people call me and ask "WHO IS THIS?"
I dream of a day when a mysterious hand will pop out of the screen and b!tch-slap you silly each time you post a boring or stupid status.
All my passwords are protected by amnesia.
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service.
If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and emailed me 3 days later asking if I have a job yet
I want to sleep tighter
Good friends don’t let you do dumb things… alone.
I don’t care if it’s 1 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
Next on SportsCenter: Where is Tim Tebow watching the Super Bowl and how will that impact the game?
When a woman asks you for your opinion all she really wants to hear is her opinion repeated word for word but in your voice.