Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My wife let me remove all her clothes last night ... From the dryer
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!
According to the squirrel riding a unicycle in my kitchen, I may have taken too much sleep medication.......
Do you ever think about sh!t you did in the past and just go why the f*ck did nobody punch me in the face?
Marriage is like friends without benefits.
Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom`s wise words: "Don`t pick that up!! You don`t know where it`s been!!"
It only takes 2 ingredients to make a baby. Does that not blow your mind. Like at least there should be some flour or something.
When I was your age we had to open all doors by ourselves ... None of them knew we were coming.
I used to care what you thought of me, then I remembered what I thought of you.
This Kit Kat commercial is making some awfully big assumptions about both my generosity and my number of friends.
You can dress for success or undress for it. It depends on what type of work you want.
In my experience, temporary insanity can last a long time.
I`m so glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how long it takes me to understand what someone is saying.
I’ve found that the things I’m most interested in aren’t really in my best interest.
I`m posing nude for an art class. No one asked me to. I think they`re making ceramic bowls.