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Someone should use screen recording software to record an entire day’s worth of working on spreadsheets and post it to YouTube so that I can play it full screen and pretend like I’m working.
I would order delivery more often, but I just can`t stand lowering the drawbridge.
Ever have the experience of staring at an outfit hanging in your closet and wondering which of the personalities did the shopping that day?
I saw that! - Karma
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Send me a text like a normal person.
Wow.. I didn`t know spandex could hold that much.
Sometimes, I like to stalk random strangers vacation pic`s, and tag myself as one of the people in the background just for laughs.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don`t know what he laced them with, but I`ve been tripping all day.
I hope Karma smacks some people before I do.
Treasure the years with your children while they are still distracted by bubbles.
My therapist says I`m paranoid, which is exactly what you might expect from a shapeshifting lizard hired by the CIA to track my whereabouts.
ready for bed - gunna give my sheets some arse and my pillows head;]
My Wife says I talk while I sleep..........but I`m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it
Does anyone else wonder why naked and baked, 2 words that go together SO well, don`t rhyme?? ...I mean, who comes up with these words anyway? lol
I think my mailman is stealing my Nigerian lottery checks.