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They updated the Raggedy Ann doll to Swaggedy Ann. She comes with an iPhone, divorced parents, and 3 pairs of heelys.
Let`s simplify this. Deliver a pizza to me every night unless I call.
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life.
I posted one little joke claiming to have won the lottery and Facebook finds me 1,347 new possible relatives.
!f yhu T@k yk d!$, then dont talk to me.
If you have attention deficit disorder, throwing boomerangs isn`t for you.
Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
What`s the nutritional value of an entire tube of cherry Chapstick? Asking for my two year old.
My blind neighbor sure does take his dog on a lot of walks...
When people tell me "you`re going to regret that in the morning" I sleep in until noon because I`m a problem solver.
Holy sh*t! Did you guys know Facebook has a "sign out" button?
"Thank God!!! They are finally taking these damn rubber bands off." -The last thing a lobster thinks.
I could see how 2 deaf guys arguing would appear to be gang related.
I`m paying my taxes with a smile, but they wrote me back saying they want cash.
Not to brag or anything, but I don`t need alcohol to make really bad decisions.