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It`s been a boring day today. Not exactly Nascar boring, but awfully close.
People that use statistics in everyday arguments are a$$holes 100% of the time.
If I have ten pieces of bacon and you take five pieces, what do you have? Thats right., A black eye and a broken hand!
I used to be a terrible flirt ... I am much better at it now.
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children, don’t know very much about children.
How can I go to sleep when this movie I’ve seen 70 times just started?
Always believe a woman when she says: “You don`t want to know!”
I spent yesterday painting some kickass flames on a car. I bet whoever owns it was stoked when they came out of the mall.
Using Romeo & Juliet to express how in love you are is like using Hamlet to show how close and well adjusted your family life is.
After I die, there are some people I’m going to haunt the sh!t out of.
I hate when I explain how awesome I am to someone and they pretend to not be impressed.
my stomach just growled and it sounded like it said... `Droid`....
What if dogs bring the ball back because they think you enjoy throwing it?
I wouldn`t say I`m a stalker so much as I am a covert observation enthusiast.
Calling out your ex`s name during sex is a nice way to show your current lover that you won`t forget them after you break up.