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At least my motivation gets to sleep in.
My girlfriend just threw away a bubble wrap without popping it. Just like that. I`m dating an animal :(
If there`s one thing that I`ve learned it`s, that I should have learned way more than one thing.
New Years Eve. It takes 24,367 bolts to put a car together and only 1 nut to spread it all over the road, please don`t drink and drive and become the nut
I`m always tempted to yell "Kevin!" mid-flight.
I thought I was on the cash cab show! But turns out I was in a police car and cops hate trivia.
Relationship status: If I slam on my brakes really hard... The seatbelt hugs me back.
Have you guys seen the new documentary about white trash? I only saw the trailer.
Definition of insanity - Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results
Having a 14 year old has made me realize why some species eat their young.
Mirrors don`t lie. Lucky for you, they don`t laugh either.
I would`ve thrown a coin in the water fountain and wished for all the money in it, but I just waited `til it was dark instead.
Experience with women has taught me that Jack was most likely pushed down the hill.
If you’re a douchebag, it’s so easy to find the right hat.
The Spanish version of the Subway jingle “65.63 Peso 0.3 meter largo” isn’t quite as catchy…