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The voices in my head tell me not to listen to the voices in my head, and now I don`t know who to listen to anymore
Sticks and stones may break your bones. Also good: lead pipes.
My trust issues began when there was no donkey in Donkey Kong.
How many calories does swearing like a motherf*cker burn?
why hello there stalker! Enjoying my profile?(=
Someday you may lose your hair, you may lose your teeth, your money and even lose your mind. But one thing you will never lose – your good looks, coz you can never lose what you don’t have!
Targeted ads are trying to sell me a new mattress nowadays. With how much Google knows about me you`d think they`d cap themselves at something like $5 footlongs or stationary.
The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase Regards again.
I wonder if anyone has watched Storage Wars and said, "Hey, that`s my stuff!"?
Obesity: When you buy a hula-hoop and it fits you.
Friends would describe me as classy, sassy and a bit smart-assy.
If tomatoes are classed as a fruit, then doesnt that mean that ketchup is technically a smoothie? ... hmmm
If you feel lonely... dim all lights & put on a horror-movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore
Calories? I think you mean delicious points!
Being human is expensive and exhausting.