Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Fish must be excellent drivers. Very rarely do you hear about fish getting into car accidents.
We´re responsible for most of what happens to us, the rest is probably Voodoo.
That horrible feeling you get when you`re not asleep anymore.
I shouldn`t play with Legos!? It says "Ages 7 & Up". 30 is higher than 7. Instead of calling me immature, you need to go take a math class.
If my computer desktop were an actual place, they would bring in blindfolded people to make a Febreeze commercial.
Turns out that my get rich painfully slow scheme isn`t working out either.
Such a relief when things I`ve been meaning to do become things I meant to do but now it`s too late.
My living room is pretty much a fat camp without rules.
"Something`s wrong. He`s never walked this far before."- what my shoes would say if you walked a mile in them.
That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is "act natural, you`re innocent".
If your girlfriends cat gets eaten by an angry pitbul terrier, gently singing "The circle of life" into her ear WILL NOT cheer her up.
I don`t need WebMD to tell me what`s wrong with me, I have my mother.
Ladies, don`t date him just because his dad has a yacht. Date the dad.
50 years ago you had to get really f*cking drunk to drop your phone in a urinal.
My misery likes tequila, not company.