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Lots of people waiting in lines today. Did a new iPhone just come out?
All I ask is to one day live in a house with secret passages.
Ugly people who live in glass houses…shouldn`t live in glass houses.
I’m like a kid in a candy store. I can’t afford anything.
If at first you don`t succeed then you`re a loser...
I went to my local shop for a paper the other day. A guy out of no where started to throw eggs, cream and milk at me. I thought to myself how dairy?
I will not let people drive me crazy because I know it`s in walking distance.
“Oh boy, I can’t wait to be productive today.” – said no one ever
Hey people who say I am boring and not interesting; FYI the police just called saying they want to talk to me because I am "a person of interest"
My friend offered me a free pole dance class. I said no. With my debt, the last thing I need to find out is that I`m great at pole dancing.
I may be crazy but I say if you can`t talk to yourself, who can you talk to.
Every-time I walk over a sewer grate I look down into it hoping to catch a glimpse of a Ninja Turtle
Are there actually people who get out of the shower to pee? I want to meet them.
Some days you`re the Titanic, some days you`re the iceberg, and some days you`re the guy who jumped off and hit a propeller on the way down.
Most people are lucky they can’t hear what I’m thinking.