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Everyone is gifted. But not everyone opens their present.
Sure I have my doubts, but Bigfoot doesn’t have any pictures of me either.
I just found out cock fighting is done with roosters and now it feels like this 6 months of training has been wasted.
It`s never your successful friends posting the inspirational quotes.
I’m giving co-workers the silent treatment by sending them blank emails.
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happening to me, only with beer.
Scientists are dumb. A meteor didn`t kill the dinosaurs. I`ve been to the museum. It`s obvious they starved to death.
I hate it when my kid starts crying in the middle of the night and I have to get up to close the bedroom door.
Million dollar idea: A bathroom mirror that takes pictures.
Smile. It makes people wonder what you´re up to.
I bought a book called `How to become an expert at Origami`. So far, I`ve made 1000 paper snowballs.
Horoscopes: When you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend to blame for your failures, try the solar system
I`m not saying you`re stupid; you just have bad luck when it comes to thinking.
That moment when you have so many things to do...So you decide to take a nap instead!
Don`t sell yourself short, in fact, don`t sell yourself at all. I`m pretty sure it`s illegal