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I told the monster in my closet that coming out of of there would make him gay, haha problem solved ....
If you knew what I considered to be my "best behavior" it`s doubtful you`d advise me to be "on it".
I used to drink a lot in the 80s. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is?
Should have never gave my cat a lemon, now he’s walking around like a sour puss.
Keychains were invented so that you can lose all of your keys at once.
"Baby on Board" Oh really? Thanks for letting me know. I was about to ram into your car but now I won`t.
I never make plans until I know how I am getting out of them.
My kids are the reason I wake up every morning. Really freaking early. Every...Single...Morning...
The NFL has hired their first female referee ... She will be throwing flags for penalties the teams committed 5 years ago.
Husband for sale: 1972 model, white in colour, a bit hard on gas but comes with a spare tire.
Doctors are saying that each piece of bacon you eat takes 9 minutes off your life.... Based on the math, I should have died in 1732.
I`m telling you, Godzilla must have feet made of steel. I step on a Lego and can`t walk for a month.
Today I think I`ll send out texts saying "Hey, I got a new phone and lost your number. Can I have it again?" ...JUST to see how many responses I will get. ;)
I just witnessed a co worker eat a cupcake with no frosting ... What kind of devil worshiping nonsense is this?
I`ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.!!