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Facebook: Saving us money on birthday cards since 2004
I joined weight watchers last month, so far I lost 38 dollars...
I bet my road rage would be taken more seriously if I spoke German
Had to talk with my son about masturbation today...I explained that it is natural, and he should probably knock before he comes into my room from now on.
They say when life gives you lemons….but what if life hands you a rather large banana? What then, my friend? What then?
Those teardrop tattoos mean you cried during the notebook, right?
Time to get out of bed and worry from another location.
I act like Pacman at parties. I walk around the room eating everything in site and avoiding everyone.
Why is the guy who serves you at the restaurant called a waiter, when it is you that is waiting?
My baby girl is so polite. I told her she needed to share and she said "No, thank you"
Passive aggressive has never been my thing, I prefer chasing you with a chainsaw.
Anything you say will be used against you, in an argument, 10 months from now, because I’m a woman. And we never forget. Anything. Ever.
There`s no hiding it, my ex sucks at school... And in cars, alleys, and public restrooms...
"Are you even listening to me?" is a weird way for my girlfriend to start a conversation.
This Facebook is my serious account. The funny one is my bank account.