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I don’t care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it.
Idk what was worse, the fact that my girlfriend text me saying “sorry breaking up with you” or that a minute later she text me back “sorry wrong number.”
Chess says everything about men & women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
The human soul weights 1.2 lbs. I know this because I weighed myself before and after I got to work.
Being rich doesn`t equal happiness but i`d rather cry in a ferrari
Pretty cool how the internet lets you stay connected with people you haven`t seen in years and silently judge them on a daily basis.
I`ve found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock, people expect less of you.
I`m so ghetto.... I had lights and water bill in my name before the age of 3..
WTF, I feel like I pay these bills every month.
lord, we beg you for tupac, and in return you can have justin bieber
Shout out to people who are hard of hearing.
How to cuss a kid out... "Shut the fudge up you little astronaut! You son of a batch of cookies! What the helicopters are you doing?!"
awkward moment when the dentist is talking to you with his hands on your mouth
Apparently when your girlfriend says "f*ck that bitch", you`re not supposed to take her seriously.
You´d be amazed how often I´m wrong when people say guess what