Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I usually don`t argue with the doctor but I don`t think "Batshit Crazy" is a legitimate medical term.
is available for rebound sex.
Everyone has that one friend that can turn any conversation into something dirty....I am usually that friend.
Apparently not checking the mail is not a valid excuse for not paying your bills. The more you know.
I just saw a gang of really drunk mosquitoes leave my arm and high-five each other. Weird.
If Trump wins I`m leaving the country. If Hillary wins I`m leaving the country. This is not a political post, I just want to go on vacation.
I`ll be a morning person when it`s Christmas.
The hardest part about being humble is not telling people how much better I am than they are.
I prefer to call it a “Ta-Da” list. Cause it’d be amazing if I actually accomplished anything on it.
Save your breath ... You`ll need it later to blow up your date.
The mind is like a parachute .... It doesn`t work if it isn`t open.
My dog acts like her entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
Saw a bird sh*t on my car, so I ate scrambled eggs on my front step, just to show him what I`m capable of.
Dear middle finger: thank you for always sticking up for me.
You think having periods is hard? ... Try being on a 24 hour killstreak on Call of Duty with itchy balls.