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My dog was licking his balls. My friend said "I wish I could do that." I said "You better pet him first; he can be mean sometimes."
If the sprayer in the sink can`t get it off and the dishwasher can`t get it off then I assume it`s just meant to be a part of the pan.
Before I die, I`m putting fake treasure maps behind all my picture frames.
Hi, it’s me. I can’t get to the phone right now, even though it’s right here in my hand.
Who`s up for some curling in my driveway?
Heard you like bad boys .... Well, I`m not trying to impress you or anything, but when Disney Channel asked me to go to their website with my parents permission, I didn`t ask my parents.
The next person I hear say “I love fall” is getting choked out with a scarf soaked in pumpkin spice latte.
Cool thing about winter is after grocery shopping your car can double as your refrigerator.
I`m not sure but I think the family from Honey Boo Boo is just a family of bears that were shaved down and shown how to sh!t indoors.
I’m alone in my car. Counting it as a vacation.
I should go to sleep but the Internet needs me.
The thinner the eyebrow, the crazier the woman.
What is this World Cup and can I drink from it?
Welcome to fight club..., you may now kiss the bride.
Of course I know right from wrong. Wrong is the fun one.