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I`ve discovered I own five umbrellas, if anyone wants to stage a musical number.
If anyone tells you that you drink to much on the weekends. Stop talking to them...you don`t need that kind of negativity in your life
Top uses for Golf Balls: 1. Describing hail storms 2. Describing tumors 3. Playing golf
If you`re going to be a smartass, you must first be smart. Otherwise, you`re just an ass.
the WORLDS shortest joke..... "2 women were sitting together quietly
I work out ... Just kidding, I take naps.
Just wrote ‘You have no new messages’ on a piece of paper, put it in a bottle and threw it far out to sea.
Was the little pig who built his house out of straw some sort of idiot?
I"m not saying that I am batman, i`m just saying no one has ever seen me and batman in a room together
A high school diploma takes you 12 years to get, 2 minutes to frame and a lifetime to forget where you put it.
My bf just got out of jail. Says life in jail for him was a big pain in the a$$
If I get hurt playing Wii Sports, that`s still a sports injury, right?
Love means never having to say you’re sorry until you`ve thought up a good excuse.
I believe in living every day like it`s my last day, and on my last day, I plan to take it easy.
Why can`t things be simple like they use to be? I show you a bug I found, we share a snack pack, and then you`re my girlfriend.