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Women can walk around all day long in a bikini, but God forbid if you see them in their bras and panties. I will never comprehend this.
I`m not upset because it`s Monday, I`m upset because I have to wear pants
My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. It’s called Lunch.
I did responsible things all day so tonight will consist of nothing that even resembles responsibility.
My brain is giving me the silent treatment
The cool thing about The Clapper is it doubles as a strobe light during s@x.
I had cheese, but no crackers ... I was cracka-lackin
Whoever left me in charge of my own destiny has a lot of explaining to do.
I`m working harder than an ugly stripper!!
When a girl says: "If you can`t handle me at my worst, then you don`t deserve me at my best"... What she really means is: "I`m a f*ckin psycho."
Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.
I never finish anyth...............
Turns out a crash diet doesn`t mean having vodka with every meal and falling down the stairs!
You win some, you lose some...unless you`re me, then you win them all.
Tonight I’m trying to get to that happy place right between don’t know my own name and head in the toilet.