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I made a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number one: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes? Hurt like hell.
I’m not drunk, I’m just exhausted from drinking all night.
Roses are red, violets are blue. I lowered my standards, just for you.
My door is always open. So please feel free to leave.
A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn`t answer the phone.
I love using my GPS, problem is I can`t find it.
Peanut butter and jelly. That´s what I like in my belly
Hush little laptop don`t you cry,mumma gonna find you some more wifi.
Tupperware is so handy for those times when you feel like throwing out your food another day.
Just got back from a job fair. Very disappointed. They didn`t have one damn ride.
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-ass".
If you lose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
Last night I was thrown out of the casino for misunderstanding the use of the Crap table.
Look!!! I am always here for you no matter what,OK? unless there is something good on tv or I`m eating pie
You bring a baby monitor to the bar one time and everyone freaks out.