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when girls say bye .......... may be it means buy something for her.....
I`d be willing to sleep my way to the top if it actually meant sleeping.
My left buttcheek fell asleep. I`m Half-assing everything I do for the next ten minutes.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
A lot of people are only alive because I shed too much hair to ever get away with murder.
Life is what you make it = 10% Shit happens = 90%
Tired of those Political Ads on television?...... You may be entitled to compensation.
I know there are some people we say were dropped on their heads as babies. But there are others that were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall & fell out the window.
"It`s not you, it`s me." -Twins looking at some family photos
The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.
I hate it when spiders just sit there acting like they pay rent.
Basically the whole point of Facebook is so you can see if you’re prettier than your ex’s new girlfriend.
Today I am thankful for my family....and this 5th of vodka that helps me deal with them.
I don`t get in trouble, I just get into questionable situations.
Dear life, When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.