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I feel bad for lions at zoos. How would you feel if a bunch of pizzas came to your house, took your picture, and you couldn`t even eat them.
Its so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way UP
Whenever I see people doing sign language, I assume they are discussing the best way to murder the rest of us and steal our ears.
Been waiting at the pub for my wife to pick me up for hours now. How long does it take to have a baby, for Christs sake.
Sometimes I wonder how people who don`t have kids get their TV remotes from the other side of the room.
CNN needs to reevaluate the use of Breaking News. Perhaps "Latest Speculative News" or "We Really Don`t Know Shit" would work. CNN call me.
A German boy pushed his brother off a cliff. He then turned to his mother and said "Look Mom! No Hans!"
Show me, on this cat calendar, how long it`s been since you`ve had a date?
Don´t call me crazy. I much prefer the term "mentally hilarious"
To the teenager that flipped me off for honking at you. Your phone is on top of your car.
If God is a woman then how do you explain: 1) Spiders 2) Shoes you can`t afford 3) Periods 4) Men
The party`s not over `till you smile for the mugshot
I was blown away when I realised the word " OK " is a side ways person.
There are many different ways one can save energy. I normally use the couch.
Conserve energy: How would you feel if someone turned you on and then left?