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I once tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck up my nose.
Look, all I`m saying is, you never see Nikki Manaj and E.T. in the same place at the same time.
People tend to get angry when you treat them the same way they treat you.
Life gets a lot easier once you decide to become part of the problem.
I hate when people see me at the store and are like "Hey, what are you doing?" I`m like "Oh you know, hunting elephants."
ROFL!!….. LOL jk i’m still in my chair.
I don’t know what my neighbor’s name is and we’ve been neighbors too long for me to ask.
According to my iPhone Health app, I walked 1,787 steps around this Golden Corral buffet tonight .... So I got that going for me.
It`s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
Have you ever noticed that the & symbol looks like a guy dragging his butt across the floor?
Thanksgiving: "Let`s give thanks for the stuff we have." Black Friday: "Ok, let`s get all new stuff."
You can get away with farting at the zoo because you can always blame the animals...
Good Morning! A fresh cup of hot coffee and my FB page is up, just look at that, I already achieved all my goals for the day.
If I were the guy who made the Where`s Waldo books I would have totally made a page where Waldo wasn`t there
If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!