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Everytime I see “ROFL”… I think of Scooby Doo trying to say “waffle”.
How weird was the first robber to wear pantyhose on his face
Why go to a therapist when a woman will explain everything wrong about you free of charge?
The gym is like church to some people. No matter what they do all week, they think they can erase it with one visit.
When a girl tells you she has a nipple piercing, the correct response is always "I don`t believe you."
I would be so pissed if someone shook me all night long.
A recent survey of one person reveals that 100% of me thinks I should leave work early.
likes to end all my phone calls with "Ok, I`ll see you later on at the party!" and then quickly hang up. Let them figure it out.
Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the morning coffee and went straight for the booze?
To honor Thanksgiving this month I will be calling every one Pilgrim instead of Dude or Bro-- Fair warning
I’ve already decided, if I ever go to The Price Is Right, I’m gonna “come on down” whether they call my name or not.
There should be an observation deck at Walmart.
You’ll never be as young as you are now.
So my kid secretly recorded me driving and singing and put it on social media if you needed to know how important birth control is today.
I`m sorry I slapped you but you didn`t seem like you would ever stop talking and I panicked.