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"You only live once. LOL JK!" ~ the cat
My anaconda will take whatever it can get at this point.
Happy New Years Everyone! (I stole this status:) )
PESSIMIST: Dark tunnel. OPTIMIST: Light at the end of the tunnel. REALIST: A train. TRAIN OPERATOR: 3 idiots standing on the tracks.
Parts of a worm: 1) Worm
Keychains were invented so that you can lose all of your keys at once.
My sleep number is 151 ... Bacardi 151
This looks like a job for Superman! -unemployed Superman reading the classifieds
If adult diapers are called Depends, then baby diapers should be called Definitely!!
Remember before the internet when all the people at the video store knew you watched porn alone on Saturday mornings
okay it was me..... I did it ..... I let the dogs out
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as “that weird thing I did for a while.”
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.
When I was a kid, there was no Internet. Sometimes people would walk for miles to call me a bastard.
B is the best letter of the alphabet: Boobs, Buns, Booty, Booze, Beer, Bourbon, and Bacon.