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I don`t know which is worse... waiting for someone to get out of the bathroom so you can use it or hearing them say "come in" when you knock on the bathroom door...
I was gonna take over the world this morning but I overslept. Postponed ... Again.
I would watch NASCAR if hot wheels designed the tracks.
I hate it when the movie trailer is better than the movie itself.
Today’s Horoscope: You’re gullible
Just a friendly reminder, there are a minimum of three spiders in your room at all times. Goodnight...
I`ve decided to add more positivity in my life. So, now when I say someone`s an a@#hole, I qualify it with......... but he`s really good at it...........and I`m positive about that!
I make self-sabotage look like an art form.
I don`t mean to brag, but my posts are enjoyed by well over 20 people worldwide...
I`ve had this ant farm for a year now and these lazy bastards still haven`t grown any crops.
Here`s to all the kids who have never found their name on anything in a souvenir store
Your girlfriend is rated E... For Everyone
My flock of sheep were stolen from my farm last month. I`ve not been able to sleep since.
I like to track people down, knock on their front door and say "we have ten people in common on Facebook, can I come in ?"
My favorite part of The Notebook is when I turned it off and watched Terminator 3 instead.