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Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.
I don’t want to sound racist, but all stormtroopers look the same to me.
My internet went down for about 5 minutes earlier....so I talked to my family.....they seem like nice people!
I`m not as smart as I used to be but then again you can`t stay a teenager all of your life.
My kids can be difficult sometimes, but my mom always assures me that I deserve it.
Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets, are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
I’m always impressed when I can stump auto-correct...
I`m doing the KFC Bucket Challenge!
Not to brag, but I’m pretty good in bed. I don’t snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
I still have a landline. Or as I like to call it, Cell Phone Finder.
I bet no one in Africa is allergic to gluten.
There is a gym called Anytime Fitness. I choose 2030.
If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?
They`re having a Jamaican hair-do day tomorrow at work. I`m dreading it.
Cooking tip of the day: Rub your eyes BEFORE you dice the jalapenos...