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Most of being an adult is marveling at the date and saying how fast the year is going by.
My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. . . . well. . . she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet.
Omg!! got 6 numbers on the Lotto.. and the stupid machine didn´t pick any of them
Just when you think you have the answer a woman will be there to change the question.
The responsibility of taking out the trash should be left to the person who runs out of ways to fit more trash in the bag.
Wish my husband got a check from the NFL for all the refereeing he does from his recliner...
The last time anything got banged on my bed, it was my little toe against the leg.
Do you think when Spider-Man gets stoned with Batman and the Hulk he sometimes thinks the spider on his chest is real and freaks out?
If a Donkey and Zebra ever mate they`d have to call the offspring a Zonkey because Debra is already taken.
No means no! Unless she`s dyslexic; then it`s on!
When it comes to f*cking around, I don`t f*ck around.
I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they`re going to be talking.
"If Donald Duck doesn`t have to wear pants than neither do I!"- Me getting drunk at Disney World.
Just tried to kill a snake in the backyard. And by kill I mean screaming as loudly as a human can in an attempt to make its head explode.
is not rude...I just wasn`t taught to politely pretend to be nice to people I can`t stand.