Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’m having some vision trouble today. I can’t see myself doing anything.
I like candlelit dinners, long walks on the beach and hardcore pornography.
Starting tomorrow, whatever life throws at me, I`m ducking so it hits someone else!
My friends most commonly describe me as "who?"
Friendship is like peeing on yourself; everyone can see it but only you can feel the warmth that it brings.
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We`ll see about that.
I get more excited seeing my luggage on a baggage carousel than I do seeing a person I know.
If your wife asks you if you know where the broom is, it`s not a good idea to ask her if she is going somewhere.
Facebook.. reminds me a lot of high school. Full of alcohol, drugs, jealousy, sexual frustration and a bunch of boobs I`ll never get to touch.
I`d be the stripper that got fired for eating her way out of the cake instead of jumping out of it.
You know what the trouble about real life is? There`s no danger music.
I could really go for a vegetable sandwich! Maybe some tomatoes, some spinach, cucumbers... With cheese. And a hamburger patty. And bacon. Ok I really want a bacon cheeseburger.
I got a new marker today that smells like grapes. Thats why I`ve been so quiet.
You know you had an interesting day when your Google search history includes "rubber panda".
My biggest fear is that there is no PMS and this is my personality.