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Halloween Drinking Game: Drink every-time an Elsa (from Frozen) visits your house.
Every woman in this world is beautiful...........except for the ugly ones!
I think my front door faces the wrong direction. People keep finding it.
I don`t have issues... I AM an issue
Why do prostitutes charge per hour? I mean, what are we supposed to do for the other 57 minutes?
Dear Mom, If all my friends jumped off a cliff, it`s because it was my idea. Sincerely, Your child is a leader, not a follower.
A reality show where a couple wins $10 million dollars if they show nobody a picture of their baby for the first 2 years.
?"I hate when people come to MY house, knock on MY door, and then give me the "why aren`t you wearing pants" look."
When I see names carved into a tree I don’t think it’s cute, I just think its strange how many people take knives on a date.
Look Bruce, just because you call it the "Batcave" doesn`t change the fact that you still live in your parents basement.
I`m often a little confused when people call me insane because, to be honest, I`m still just warming up.
Don`t expect me not to hopscotch all over your house if you have fancy tiles.
Someone tore off my warning label when I was born.
I want to get a welcome mat for my front door that just says "Text Me"
Of course women have cleaner minds than men. They change them much more often