Daily Silly Status

When I say "I cleaned my room", I usually mean I made a path from my door to my bed.

If the interviewer asks where you see yourself in 5 years. Standing naked on top of a fire truck does not appear to be the correct answer

Always remember to speak clearly when complimenting a woman`s boots...

You make me have filthy thoughts, and for that I thank you...

There is no such thing as a dirty mind. Just a sense of humor with adult content.

Yo! My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.

Don`t get me wrong, this Chinese take-out is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe a chicken fried this rice

im so hungry, im farting fresh air

If I could have a superpower, it would be the ability to watch people workout and then absorb their health benefits...

Friends are like slinkys, they are twisted as heck but you can`t help but laugh when they fall down the stairs.

Don`t let this historic Cubs World Series win distract you from the fact that Donkey never made Shrek those waffles he promised to make.

Here`s a fun idea: Before your next party or get together, buy some liver and other cuts of meat. Put them in clear containers and put labels on them with random names ("Clarice", "Richard", etc). Then put them in your refrigerator. For even more fun, put some empty containers beside the fridge with your friends` names on them....

"Nothing there? Better bark at it." - my dog

I don`t know what your problem is, but I`ll bet it`s hard to pronounce.

I call in sick on full moons just to make them wonder.