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Not sure how coffee got its own table in the living room, but kudos.
I`m pretty sure some of you just drag your face across the keyboard and hit send.
I’m at Code 5 today. I don’t know. It’s something this lady in the coffee shop said and I liked it. So now I’m using it, too.
I love going for walks in the rain. You can pee your pants and no one will be the wiser.
My therapist told me today that I need to stop talking to inanimate objects, but I mean he`s just a lamp so what does he really know anyway
Doctor: How is your headache? Me: She is fine.
No one asks the tough questions, like why are drug dealers on the metric system?
Always give 100% at work: 12% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, 5% Friday.
Why is it when you have a day off you seem to bounce out off bed at 6am, but the days you go to work, it takes a forklift and 2 sticks of dynamite to separate me from my pillow??
I could write an entire book on excuses,,, but I have to pick my grandma up at the airport.
If the shoe fits, wear it. And if these shoes belong to someone else, walk away briskly.
I feel like doing something productive today. If I sit here long enough, maybe it will go away.
I wake up everyday planning to be productive and then a voice in my head says “haha good one” and we laugh and laugh and take a nap.
I`ve started an exercise program. I do 20 sit-ups each morning. That may not sound like a lot, but you can only hit that snooze button so many times.
Whenever I hear "let me tell you the truth", I secretly cross my fingers, hoping they say "brownies are healthy, eat as many as you want."