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In alcohol`s defense, I`ve done some pretty dumb shit while completely sober too.
I knew you were coming so I baked a cake ... It was delicious.
I`m only 2 girls short of a threesome.
I`m gaining weight for my role as "Before picture"
So far my bracket is perfect! I can`t wait to fill the rest of it in.
Its around this time each year that i just enjoy going outside and seeing my christmas lights already set up from the year before.
Remember to make some bad decisions today. 20 years from now that’s all you’ll have to make your kids think you’re cool.
It`s all good and well until the fecal matter impacts the electric powered air current generation device.....
Scientists have recently discovered that approximately 2% of Earth`s water at any given time is found on Tupperware containers being removed from the dishwasher
Love is like a rubber band, we keep pulling, someone let’s it go, and it hurts the one who held on.
I just saw a guy take a bite of Kit Kat bar without breaking it apart first! Sir, we live in a society with rules, please adhere to them.
My son said he went potty and I asked if it was number one or number two. He said number 7,,, and now I`m terrified to go into the bathroom.
Never date someone that works for your cell phone provider. Just sayin
I`ll be there in a second I just gotta finish writing this letter of apology to a club owner for tearing up his dance floor last night..
Best part of living alone...clothing optional ;)