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Dear Mother-in-Law, Do not tell me how to handle my child, I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement.
Balloons think they’re so cool. I tried to tell one he was leaking and he just said, “Pfft.”
Honestly, it`s not the way I look that reveals my age. It`s my use of complete sentences, proper grammar and spelling when I text.
I wished I loved anything as much as white people love saying "gracias" at Mexican restaurants.
Just about the time I started to give a crap, my attitude became constipated......
Forecast for tonight: Dark.
Some mornings I feel like leaving my coffee until its cold enough that I can just pour it directly into my eyes.
Wear black: all the non-conformists are doing it.
I need to borrow someones kid for Halloween. I miss free candy.
More people should be at a loss for words.
I stop at random Jehovah`s Witness houses and drop off copies of Rolling Stone.
Some days the problem is I care too much… Today was not one of those days…
Dear whoever is playing sweet child o` mine at 2:30 in the night at full blaring volume to disturb the whole neighborhood......NICE!
I can`t take this long distance relationship anymore.. Fridge, you`re coming to my room.
Sorry I drunk dialed you at 10am.