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Never confuse the words "venom" and "poison". Venom is injected into blood by an animal. Poison is injected into food by a woman.
I wish common sense was more common.
The easiest way to keep a secret is without help
I`d like to give a big shout-out to all my hard of hearing friends!
We are guaranteed "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness". So, why did happiness get a Lamborghini and I got a `74 Pinto?????
Ten seconds of drug commercials are spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest is spent basically daring you to take it.
If I could time travel, I`d make sure the guy who made up the word Walkie-Talkie got to name more things.
My favorite thing about decorative towels is how you`re not allowed to use them. Because nothing says class like useless towels.
I never thought I`d be the kind of person who`d wake up early in the morning to exercise ... And I was right.
“You look tired” is just a polite way to tell someone they look like sh*t.
Getting that beach body is easy. You just have to know where to dig.
Those 5 donuts I ate are really going to give me an extra boost during my workout today.
Taxes are like a subscription to your country that you can`t cancel, no matter how bad the service gets.
To help reduce cost, this status was typed in china.
The record companies have done a good job of fighting piracy by releasing music no one wants to steal.