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It`s the simple things that make me laugh....mostly you.
?-- that guy is cute ?
I`m on this great new diet called "sleep through breakfast"
A beautiful woman could post "My dog just died" and she would get replies like "Well, I`m not dead ;)"
I broke up with my cross-eyed girlfriend today.......i felt like that bitch was seeing someone else.
Your personality needs alcohol.
If you want to preview of the new iPhone 8 and try it out for free before buying it just look at your iPhone 7 and pretend it cost several hundred dollars more.
You`re not laughing out loud. You know it and I know it
No one is as ugly as their driver`s license, and nobody is attractive as their profile picture.
Alex, I`ll take WTF for a $1000
Is it just me, or that sea witch Ursula from the Little Mermaid inspired from a full blown flamboyant drag queen?
I just wanted to send you a quick note letting you know that you`re in my inappropriate thoughts.
There is only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water lying about being milk.
The guy that discovered milk.. What did you tell your friends were you doing to that cow? O_o
I`m so deep in the friendzone that I`ve met her boyfriends parents