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I like the part of the day where we eat the food.
If we can have HD video from Mars,,, then I should have 4 bars on my phone everywhere I go.
The toughest part of a job interview is finding the exact right moment to go in for the kiss.
Yeah he`s still bugging me...he thinks Harass is two words.
I have officially bought the first batch of Halloween candies that will not make it to Halloween.
What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat? Apparently banned from the petting zoo...
If you get pulled over in a Smart Car for speeding, you should get a standing ovation, not a ticket.
I exercised once, but found I was allergic to it. My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath. Very dangerous.
I scratch my a$$ way to much to chew my fingernails...
Rap Music is like Scissors…It always loses to Rock.
The filling in this fortune cookie tastes like paper...
How about a cooking show called "Cookin crap in the Microwave".
*during sex,I suddenly stop moving* Her: What are you doing? Me: SHHHHH It`s ok...I saw this on Pornhub, It`s called Buffering!
Why do single people take advice from other single people? That’s like Stevie Wonder giving Ray Charles driving directions
Building the city on rock and roll was probably the wrong move from an engineering perspective.