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When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding… that the other person is a complete idiot!
Music that is meant to be played at a reasonable volume is completely pointless.
Let`s start by taking some notes today. I`m fabulous bitches! Write that down.
I can`t wait to get home and have make-up sex! ... I`ve been arguing all day with myself.
That message felt like a great idea until I hit send.
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone’s ok with that.
Guess what I saw today? Everything I looked at.
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart
Get ahead of myself. Sometimes I
If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders.
The parents with the ugliest babies take and post the most pictures.
I hate it when I tell someone I`ll be there in 10 minutes, but they continue to call me every half-hour anyway
One man`s LOL is another man`s WTF
The fastest way to being happy is to make other people happy. You go first.