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Now that football season is here, if anyone`s favorite team loses, they can just blame it on Trump.
I’m probably single because I forgot to forward those chain messages from 2008.
Every Scooby-Doo episode would literally be two minutes long if the gang went to the mask store first and asked a few questions.
I should`ve married myself. I`ve never said no to sex. Not once. Not one single time ever.
Nothing says "I dont take you seriously" like your dog wagging his tail when you`re yelling at him.
I just became a professional Counterfeiter, I even have the certificates to prove it.
I`ll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go out to buy new ones
When your running down the street on fire, people will get out of your way
If you are not sweating while doing it...then you are doing it wrong.
A lot of people don`t know this, but you can quietly like or dislike Obama.
Guys communicate by insulting each other, but don’t really mean it. Girls communicate by complimenting each other, but don’t really mean it.
I need chapstick on my lips ... anyone want to share ?
Honey, You really don`t need to drive me crazy, I am close enough to walk.
Keep the dream alive, hit the snooze button.
I broke up with my girlfriend by e-mail. I don`t know what upset her most, the fact that I did it by email or the fact that I cc`d my new girlfriend who wanted proof.