Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
We can`t deny our basic human instincts, like automatically thinking we kind of already know how to play the harmonica whenever we hold one.
I’m quite confident that the reason I’m single is because I didn’t forward that chain letter in 2003.
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess.
I miss times when I was working at the zoo... my boss fired me just because I left the lion`s gate open.... I mean who would steal a lion
I don’t know what my neighbor’s name is and we’ve been neighbors too long for me to ask.
My dream job is a pharmacy cashier & yelling for a price check every time someone checks out anal ointment, condoms, & men buying maxi pads.
Let`s face it. Seeing a camel toe in leopard print tights at Walmart is probably the closest any of us will ever get to going on an African safari.
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a shot of Vodka while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care.
Girls are like parking spots all the good ones are taken and the rest are to far away
The key to a woman`s heart is making her laugh...just make sure she`s not laughing at the size of your junk.
Cheers to alcohol! The cause of, and solution, to all of life’s problems!
Is food porn star a thing yet??
I really worried about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.
Facebook reminds me of what my grandpa always used to say, `Who are you people and what are you all jabbering about anyway?`
I can`t turn water into wine, but I can turn vodka into dinner