Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I did 26 situps this morning. It’s not a lot, but then again, how many times can someone snooze an alarm clock ?
Life is better when you can share it with a friend that has the same sick, twisted personality as yourself.
*accidentally answers phone call* ... *pretends to be answering machine*
"Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas."
Walking past a new employee`s desk & yelling, "Do you think it`s a good idea to be surfing porn on your first day?" will never get old.
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in
they say winning doesnt matter then why they had kept scores
My predictive text dictionary doesn’t have “tsunami”, so if you ever get a text from me that says “trumang” start running.
I don`t like it here anymore. As soon as I find my pants, I`m leaving!
When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $4.95 a minute.
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn’t doing his part of the chores around here.
Son, you don`t get anything in life without trying hard and working for it. Now be quiet, there about to announce the lottery results...
When ever I think about the past...It brings back so many memories
Due to political correctness issues, "Krazy Glue" will now be known as "Mental Disorder Glue."
You never know how many people you dislike until you have to name your child.