Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Nothing says you`re ugly like Facebook asking, "are you sure you want to make this your profile picture ?"
If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and texted me 3 days later asking if I have a girlfriend yet.
Sometimes I wish you could ask the pharmacist to "make it a double".
This skinny girl just told me she "forgets" to eat? Is that possible? I just licked her face in case it`s contagious.
When you consider names for your baby, it`s important to try out the middle name in an angry voice.
It`s great how you have legs that can take you away from a conversation when you don`t feel like listening to people anymore
The easiest way to find out if a movie is on Netflix is to simply ask yourself "do I want to see it?" If you do, it`s not on Netflix.
Some people see a glass as half empty. Some see a glass as half full. Most need to get a life & do something besides stare at glasses.
Did the Baha Men ever find their dogs? Did they put up posters or just sing that song?
The only thing I`ve learned from scary movies is to avoid pale children
I don’t need your attitude. The voices in my head are enough
Avoid hangovers: stay drunk ;)
You want me to smile? How can I smile when 28% of Americans aren`t getting enough fiber?
I quit beer every time I wake up hung over
If something rolls off of my plate... I eat it first, as punishment for trying to run away.