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If you see someone wearing camouflage, make sure to walk right into them so they know it`s working.
That urge you get to write, "No one cares" on someone`s status.
Chuck-E-Cheese, because it`s never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling..
I try to avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they are in the middle of a race.
Getting out of bed was my worst mistake today.
feels like I`m forgetting to flip someone off today.
Why can’t they make the whole week out of Saturdays?
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone`s ok with that.
Once you commit to the idea of a closed casket funeral it really takes a lot of pressure off how you live your life.
Don`t threaten to leave people, surprise them by actually leaving.
Some people have to learn lessons the hard way. Like with a bat. A bat is hard.
Last time I saw jugs that big, 2 hillbillies were blowing on them.
I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I`m not an actor.
When I see a girl with too much makeup, I just want to use my finger to write "Wash Me" on her face.
I like to Party! ... and by Party I mean take Naps