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I smile when I`m having dirty thoughts :)
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
Still waiting for a "Where are they now?" episode about the Flintstones
I`m outdoorsy in that I like getting drunk on patios.
Success is like pregnancy, everyone congratulates you but no one knows how many times you`ve been screwed to get there.
Hey I just met you, and this is crazy. But add me on Facebook and I`ll stalk you (maybe)
For Lent I`ve decided to give up my New Year`s Resolutions
Slutty girls are like Walmarts, everyone makes fun of them but when you`re inside one at 4am you think, i`m glad these are here.
It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married, right?
I feel like I have not told enough people lately to kiss my mother f*cking a$$.
I`d publish my autobiography but it`s just a bunch of liquor stained pages filled with doodles, and rants about stupid people.
I wish Facebook wasn`t the only place I could block people from my life.
Never underestimate a woman`s ability to make you feel responsible and guilty for her mistakes.
Growing up we were so poor. If I wasn`t a boy I would have had nothing to play with.
No need to blind fold me, just hand me my phone and drive, I won`t have a clue how to get back here