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"Ramen." - Scooby Doo finishing a prayer.
You don`t have to like me, I`m not a Facebook status.
Buying new Nikes, call that soul searching
I wish I were an octopus so that the answer to all of my problems would be, `change color and escape in a cloud of ink`
am updating my status just to let you know my status has no status
When you buy Halloween candy to hand out as an adult, it`s like you are paying for all the free candy you got when you were a kid.
Remember before the internet when all the people at the video store knew you watched porn alone on Saturday mornings
My blood test came back as B+ Any tips how I can get an A+ next time?
I can`t believe people used to have to paint selfies.
I don`t think we appreciate this era enough. For instance, none of us will see old photos of our moms whoring it up on Instagram.
LOSE WEIGHT FAST! Mix equal parts warm water, apple cider vinegar, & lemon juice toss that disgusting sh!t into a sink & get on a treadmill.
It`s called NASCAR because that`s the way a hillbilly pronounces "nice car"
My desire to be well informed is currently in deep conflict with my need to stay sane.
Before you refer to someone as your ex, make sure they know you dated.
Mattel is launching a new Facebook Barbie. She looks like a stunning hot blonde on the package but is an old fat guy when you open the box.