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If you keep doing what you´ve always done, you´ll keep getting what you´ve always gotten.
You`re only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!
If laziness was a sport, I would win first. Except I would have to send someone to except my medal.
When we catch the people who kill elephants & rhinos, can we pull all their teeth first?
I like to reply to late night snapchat selfies with "what the f*&% is that behind you?!" just because I know the sender has no way to review the photo and will spend the rest of their night scared out of their minds.
Get real. No one’s going to form a single line if the building’s on FIRE.
I wonder how long I`ll be skinny from all this dieting and juicing I`ve been doing. 1 month? A year? A couple of ye....ooh look cake.
If the shoe fits, wear it. Unless they`re not yours. But you can still were them. It`s just a road test, after all.
Marriage is like a public toilet. Those waiting outside are desperate to get in. Those inside are desperate to get out
Don`t get me wrong, this Chinese take-out is amazing. But I`ll be damned if they expect me to believe a chicken fried this rice
In an effort to explain marriage to my son I put Dora the Explorer on in Spanish and told him to figure it out or he sleeps on the couch.
Hey mother in law.... Don`t tell me how to raise my kids. Im still trying to raise yours.
I`d be much more attracted to you if you were much more attractive.
If you can`t handle me at my worst I completely understand, because I can`t either.
If I had a crystal ball to see 5 years in the future, I would have 2020 vision.