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Give Me A Minute While I Pretend To Care!
Admit it at some point in your life you have tried to close the fridge slowly to see when the light goes out...
Olympic Mens Ice Hockey USA vs Canada. Loser keeps Justin Bieber.
I like holding the door for people who are far away, you know so they have to run a little.
Wish my girlfriend was awake, could really do with a sandwich right now.
If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I`m cute, I would have 1 dollar ... thanks mom.
People with the loudest car audio systems usually have the worst taste in music.
I think God created marriage so death wouldn`t come as such a disappointment.
Today`s brilliant idea: Slim Fast beer.
CANT TOUCH THIS!! Na na na na.
Good rule of thumb: if you see an adult riding a children’s bicycle, you’re probably in a bad neighborhood.
I`m perfect you adjust.
Don`t be that guy that goes around saying "Don`t Be That Guy."
I only use the outdoors to get to another indoors.
COLLEGE STUDENTS: if you`re looking for a job, your career center lists thousands of openings you don`t have enough experience for.