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Life is basically trying to meet better people than the ones you currently know.
You know it`s been a good day when you finally take your pajamas off - and put some new ones on.
Sticks and stones may break your bones. Also good: lead pipes.
Laundry is like sex in reverse: you drop in a load, everything gets wet, then rolls around and ends up dry and neatly folded.
Started a new exercise routine yesterday. So far I`ve only missed one day.
I think I’m allergic to mornings.
I’m bored enough to clean.
God created the world in 7 days but took 9 months to create me. So clearly I’m a big deal...
Even if your not successful in life , You are guaranteed to get two certificates
If you don`t like my facebook posts, feel free to delete me and solely visit your friends` pages where the big news of the day is when their grandkids finally took a $hit all by themselves.
The good thing about listening to a new song is that it doesn’t remind you of anyone.
Top 5 things I stare into: 1) My phone. 2) The fridge. 3) Space. 4) The abyss. 5) Your windows.
i didn`t know i had a facebook account until now
To settle an argument, think about why you are wrong and why she has boobs.
Ice skating is just walking in cursive.