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If the sprayer in the sink can`t get it off and the dishwasher can`t get it off then I assume it`s just meant to be a part of the pan.
I`m really good at using the turkey baster as a sword and getting drunk and not being invited to Thanksgiving anymore.
If going to church has taught me anything, it is that Catholics hate unexpected pterodactyl impressions.
Talking to you makes me invent new swear words.
Anytime my boss leaves her office, I sneak in there and fart.
Perfect has 7 letters and so does meeeeee ....Coincidence? I think not.
Doctor said only clear liquids before surgery. Vodka qualifies right?
You know that awkward moment when you thought someone`s talking to you so you reply to them , then they look at you weird .
Job interview tip: repeatedly ask if you`re under oath
I don`t know why the Petco cashier gave me this look when I asked for the fish`s Birth date.
I will never forget the day when she said yes to me because that was the last time we agreed on anything.
If it`s true that spiders are more scared of me than I am of them, why have I never seen a spider crawl away screaming like a little girl?
*sigh* the cop at the front door is never a stripper when you need it to be
Swearing: because sometimes "golly gee" and "meany" just don`t cut it.
Why is "Pissed" an expression of being upset? I`ve never been so mad that I pee`d myself.