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The discharge paperwork at the hospital seems to be expedited a little quicker if you roam up and down the hall with the back of your hospital gown untied.
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...
Scientists uncovered the part of the male brain responsible for pissing off women. It’s next to the part that knows how much roses cost.
The fridge is a clear example that what matters is what`s inside.
Isn`t it strange that bankruptcy attorneys don`t let you make payments....
Happiness is using an ATM and finding a receipt left by someone with an account balance lower than yours.
In my experience, most arguments are caused by a misunderstanding of the fact that I`m right.
Revenge is not in my plans. You`ll f*ck yourself on your own.
I glued the TV remote to my wife. I`m expecting her to go missing any second now.
The Zoo is a safe place to fart.
that strange moment when you get in the van and theres no candy...-Drew Balthaser
I bet no one in Africa is allergic to gluten.
If you`re wondering about who the oldest James Bond was, don`t google `old man bond age`
Excellent Group Ice Breaker: Do you think sailors feel pressured to swear?
Now if you’ll excuse me, tonight’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.