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I’m beginning to believe that successful relationships come down to Netflix compatibility.
Some people are normal. What an awful, boring existence that must be.
Personally, I believe that around 93% of the world`s population should run with scissors.
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
I hate Russian nesting dolls. They`re so full of themselves
Instead of calling it the John, I call my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.
Renewed my "Man Card" today, by going out in the cold, drizzly weather to cut firewood. In other news, police are investigating sightings of a chainsaw wielding maniac in the my area. I hope the catch that nut job!
Sometimes I whisper, "I`m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world...
My religious preference, is for you to steer clear of me with yours.
If I’ve learned anything from Game of Thrones it’s that I need a wolf.
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happened to me, only with beer.
A lot of times I wonder if people think my girlfriend is only with me for my money.....but I am always reassured by the fact that I don`t have any money..........or a girlfriend....
Nothing is better than seeing your ex with someone uglier than you!
I hope everyone takes my advice and never takes my advice.
Being unsure has never stopped me from making a decision.