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Never judge a man ’till you’ve driven a mile with his wife.
I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking. Disgusting . . . I nearly couldn’t finish my sandwich.
Holy crap! I just realized that I´m still it from a game of tag in 1987.
It`s friday!! I smell vodka ;)
You can stay, but your clothes must go.
My life has a great cast, but I can’t figure out the plot.
Somebody tell me how "Rub a dub dub, 3 men in a tub" became a nursery rhyme?
Big shout-out to slugs! Those little guys are out there everyday, doing all the same stuff as snails but without helmets.
Targeted ads are trying to sell me a new mattress nowadays. With how much Google knows about me you`d think they`d cap themselves at something like $5 footlongs or stationary.
So bored at work I can`t even think of something to goggle
People are way less judgmental when you say you had an "avocado salad" instead of saying you ate a bowl of guacamole.
No Shirt No Shoes No Service. What about pants?
If you`re going to be two faced, at least make one of them pretty
No matter how stupid you feel, remember, Little Red Riding Hood couldn`t figure out a talking wolf in drag wasn`t her grandmother.
I`m off and running like a wounded herd of turtles on valium