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Summer is here. I`m in the process of moving all my bad habits outside.
We´re responsible for most of what happens to us, the rest is probably Voodoo.
i joined new gym yesterday. i did 3 sets of selfies on each machine
Yes, I know why you pulled me over. I didn`t see you in your little hiding spot over there, so I couldn`t slow down in time.
"Please don`t put a million dumb photos of me on your Facebook... it just annoys your friends" - Every baby
No YouP*rn… I do not want to play poker, I’m at work for crying out loud.
Theme parks can snap a clear picture of you on a rollercoaster at 70mph, but bank cameras can`t get a clear shot of a robber standing still.
What I lack in good decisions, I make up for in inappropriate behavior.
I told everybody at work that I`ve got 18 cats just to make sure none of them ever want to come over for anything.
Cats have tails so you can swing them around. Duh.
Don`t be ashamed of who you are. That`s your parents job.
Horse racing is like NASCAR only slower and with poop.
Be nice to me ... I may be hot one day.
People always ask me, where do I come up with my status`, do I make them up, or do I get them from the internet.. Truth is people. I use Status Enhancing Drugs.
Ok ... I just had a talk with myself, and it did not go well. Now I`m grounded.