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A handshake means something completely different to a cannibal.
I had a terrible dream about mufflers and now I`m exhausted.
It is only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realise that there is always a way to solve problems without violence
I`ve come to terms with the fact that I will never experience leftover pizza.
is spending my children´s inheritance.
If I could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, there is no question. I would want them to be alive.
No thermostat is as effective at regulating temperature as sticking a foot out from under the bed covers.
Not everything on CNN is fake news. Some of it is commercials.
If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that`s another weakness
The roof of the McDonalds in my town has 38 Pickle slices on it from times I ordered sh!t without pickles in it.
I tried yoga and I think my downward dog looked more like winnie the pooh getting stuck in rabbit`s door.
I just realized that Mr. Rogers had the first man-cave.
You wanna know where I`m ticklish? Hawaii.
My facebook has been rated PG for Poor Guy
I was just told that I over-analyze things. I need a couple of days to think about that before deciding if I should be offended.