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Wrapping these baby carrots in Tootsie Roll wrappers is exhausting but the payoff will be worth it come Halloween.
I do procrastinate more than I should, but it always gives me something to do tomorrow...
This rough sex would have been a lot better if I wasn`t alone.
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I`d be like "Sit your translucent a$$ down, I have a lot of questions!"
Ladies, life is short. So buy the shoes!
If you had to choose between your girlfriend or GTA 5 which character would you play as first?
The only F word out a woman`s mouth that scares me is "fine."
The pizza guy just said "see u tomorrow" ...
Happy Fathers Day from your handsomerist and smarterist son
My advise to all the young people out there, "Do not grow up; it`s a trap!!"
It`s amazing how tired I get from how little I do.
I decided to make a bucket list for when I kick the bucket. Number 1: Wear shoes! Ever tried kicking a metal bucket without shoes?
If I make you breakfast in bed. A simple `Thank you.` is all I need! Not all this `How did you get in my house?` business!
That awkward moment when your trapped in the corner of your shower because the hot water ran out.
Boomerangs can be quite dangerous if you`ve got alzheimers.