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I got some new underwear. Well, new to me...
In an alternate universe cats feed humans Lean Cuisines while muttering "I don`t know how you eat that sh!t".
I hate it when I put on my apple bottom jeans and cannot find my boots with da fur!!
thinks the voices in my head are out of beer.
Hey, if it doesn`t work out, we can still be friends. Said no guy ever
All I ask is that if we arm the teachers, that the librarians get silencers.
Sorry for whatever I said when I was hungry.
The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.
I wish more events in life involved dumping a cooler full of Gatorade on people.
Abaaabbbbaaabbbaabbbaabb..... Long time no ` C ` ; P
"I know im the best driver on the road" thinks every guy.
If my jokes offend you: 1. I’m sorry. 2. It won’t happen again. 3. 1 & 2 are lies. 4. You’re a wussy.
I need to stop lying to myself ... This bag of Reese cups will never make it to Halloween
When one door closes another one opens. Or you could just re-open the closed door. Because that’s how doors work.
Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I`m the proud owner of aisle 7.