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Pretending to tolerate other people is exhausting.
I hope I never have to run for my life. It wouldn’t end well.
Instead of exes, they should be called whys.
I might be a day late and a dollar short, but it is still my personal best.
I have no fear of heights. I do, however have a fear of falling from heights.
You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you’ve had?
In hell you`re always trying to spread butter that`s too cold.
Dating a single mother.... It`s like continuing from somebody else`s saved game.
Is it the S or the C that`s silent in scent?
You don`t need training to be a street cleaner, you just pick it up as you go along.
My blood test came back as B+ Any tips how I can get an A+ next time?
Make BIG mistakes in life. Those people are remembered forever. On Youtube.
I was doing laundry today and accidentally left out a very large fart. 4 people turned around. For a minute, I thought I was on "The Voice".
Hangovers are nature`s way of grounding you as an adult.
There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.