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If our son ever decides he wants to play sports, I`ll sign up to be his coach. It`s important that he knows that I`ll swear at other kids too.
This town has more white trash in it than a dumpster behind a paper plate factory
Sometimes my attention span is shorter than a gold fish crackers are delicious.
People should be loved. Things should be used. Unfortunately, we have it backwards
Why can`t the ice cream man just get a freakin liquor license already
Momma didn`t raise no fool. I did this all on my own.
"Please don`t do this." - my voice mail greeting
Is it considered rude to ask your boss if it hurt when the house fell on her in The Wizard of Oz?
Why is the jolly Green giant so damn jolly
Thats it! I want to be re-inserted and I don`t want to remember a darn thing!
It`s called fall because everything is falling; leaves, temperature, bank account, gpa, motivation...
If sex between 3 people is called a Threesome and sex between 2 people is called a Twosome... Why is Handsome still a compliment?
Given enough coffee, I believe I could rule the world.
When I say I can cook, I mean I can melt cheese on stuff.
Common sense is like deodorant....The people who need it most never use it.