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HA! If you think I`M crazy you should meet ME!
This girl next to me in class has a piece of tape over her laptop webcam. This can only mean she’s made some serious mistakes in her past…
I forgot to pay my bill to the exorcist and so I got re-possesed.
Nothing says `I dont take you seriously` like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain a lot of things......a LOT of things.
It`s shocking how much unhappiness is caused by the pressure to be happy.
It might look like I`m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I`m quite busy.
You will never find the right person, if you do not let go of the wrong one. Call me!
If you laid out all of the people in the world who were ever mean to me, I could then drive my car over them.
Is it the S or the C that`s silent in scent?
Cubs fans, you need to wait 107 more years. But don`t worry, 2124 will be here before you know it!
Pretending I`m a pleasent person all day is exhausting
a lady at the grocery store asked me, "How do I know you?"...to which I replied, "You must watch a lot of porn".
Sometimes I listen to strangers conversations and mentally give my opinion
Sorry I got really drunk and ended up being really mouthy and offensive at your party next week.