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True love doesn`t care about the look or size of your wallet, it`s all about what`s inside ..... the wallet.
Someone told me I`m immature and need to grow up. Guess who`s not allowed in my treehouse now.
I am a little worried that every "evacuation route" sign is leading away from my house.
It`s been scientifically proven that originally there were only five fruit cakes ever made!
My New Years Resolution is to be more positive and less sarcastic...I wonder how long this bull$hit fantasy will last.
When I go through an automated car wash I close my eyes, because it`s easier to pretend I`m in a car that way.
a walk in the woods helps me to relax and release tension the fact that I`m dragging a body behind me should be irrelevant.
A high-pressure hose will usually stop a coworker from showing you any more baby photos.
You got your chocolate in my peanut butter!
My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night… So I said I had a headache.
My mind has a mind of its own.
I`m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.
Seriously, dude...Is there a name for what`s wrong with you?
I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.
I`m just like you ... Only smarter and better looking.