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We are so fortunate not to live in China, they have to hide their posts in cookies.
I don`t care how smart your phone is, it`s not going to change how stupid you are.
I prefer to be crazy and happy rather than normal and bitter......
Life is like a box of chocolates and you`re on a diet so you can`t even enjoy it.
Gym update: not there
I think I just discovered Newton’s third law of Emotion: ..... "For every male action, there is an equal and opposite female overreaction."
How long does it take possums to realize when one of them is actually dead?
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in
My life is a very complicated drinking game
That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow.
How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service.
Trust is knowing you never have to look through their phone.
People who think only god can judge them have obviously never hung out with my friends.
"Are u going to the circus?" is a perfectly good sentence when not used as a follow-up 2 your wife`s question: "how does my make-up look?"