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I hate having to work for a living. But I hate starving even more.
I love the way everyone who uses hand sanitizer looks like they`re hatching some kind of evil plan.
I need to unbutton my pants just thinking about how much I’m going to eat this week.
Forgot to make resolutions? Just write out everything you did New Years Eve and at the beginning add the word "stop."
Just once I’d like to learn something the easy way.
I wish I could literally LMAO..That sounds like a lot more fun than 90 minutes at the gym.
I’d like to hang out, but that would get in the way of me being home and doing absolutely nothing.
People should be loved. Things should be used. Unfortunately, we have it backwards
As soon as I figure out who drank my 2 cases of beer, I`m gonna try to figure out why I`m so drunk.
If a woman repeats what you just said in the form of a question, you`ll be dead soon.
"I can`t believe it`s not clutter." ~ A recovering hoarder
Merry Christmas week! The time when it’s totally fine to put Peppermint Schnapps in your coffee every morning!
The easiest way for me to lose inches is to switch to the metric system.
Hey ladies, tired of your man complaining about how long it takes you to get ready? Start blow drying your hair in the nude. I promise no more complaints.
STD`s aren`t like pokémon, your not suppose to catch`em all!