Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If playing Grand Theft Auto makes you violent, why hasn`t 25 years of me playing Madden made me a professional football player?
If sex is said to be the best exercise, than why are there no fitness clubs for that. Now there`s idea. . .
Hardest thing in life: Trying to look happy when no money falls out of your birthday card.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house...
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
I got passed by a Prius on the Interstate and now I’m legally required to pee sitting down.
In grade school it’s called bullying but when you get older it’s referred to as upper level management.
This is my first status of 2017. Yeah, I thought it would be better too.
Guys, freedom of speech doesn`t mean you can spell things any way you want to.
I always found it a little counter productive when the teacher would say "Don`t get smart with me!"
Beer never asks me if I think another beer is prettier than it.
Don´t you just hate it when people say stuff in their status that you really didn´t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop.
Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.
The only time I’ve passionately knocked everything off a table was when I was trying to make room for a pizza.