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Wanna know what it`s like being married? Chain yourself to a wild animal. Now kick the animal.
Who do Walmart shoppers make fun of?
“If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best” literally translates to “I’m a loud, sloppy drunk.”
It`s not stretching if it doesn`t involve crazy dinosaur noises.
I would like to say to all my 500+ facebook friends, that i love each and every one of you..except you number 371..your a real a@@hole!!
If you ever want to watch a women feel herself up for ten minutes, hide her cellphone.
I`m not saying not to trust the Internet, but there is an alarming discrepancy between the number of iPads I`ve won and the number of iPads I own.
If you can`t fix it with duct tape or beer ... it ain`t worth fixin`
The old saying "I wouldn`t wish this on my worst enemy"... Clearly you have forgotten why they are your worst enemy.
No, I’m not funny. I’m just really mean and everyone thinks I’m joking.
I get my cardio from caffeine...
"I want to marry a smart, rich, and beautiful woman. But I don`t feel like getting married 3 times." - Hesam Ebrahim
Over 400 billion people a year are victims of exaggerated statistics.
For the past 3 years I have been planning to write an article on Procrastination!!!
If you really can make $10,000 a month working from home why would anyone take the harder job of nailing those signs to trees?