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Dear Noah, we could have sworn you said the arc wasn`t leaving until 5. Sincerely, unicorns.
I won`t be impressed with technology until I can download food.
Forecast for the weekend... mild alcoholism, with a 70% chance of poor decisions and impaired judgement. Increasing chance of regret and hangover for Sunday.
When I was a kid and was going to "get it" that was bad. Now I`m an adult and I`m going to "get it" :)
If you like to make love while listeninag to music, always choose live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
I try to live by two rules: 1. Don’t make fun of stupid people (they cant help it) 2. Don’t be stupid (people will make fun of you)
To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes a great Subway sandwich.
All I ask is that if we arm the teachers, that the librarians get silencers.
I love bacon because I can wrap it around everything. Essentially, it`s the duct tape of food.
You can tell by a woman`s feet how she feels about you. If they are behind her ears, she likes you.
Always envied the kids who showed up to school with their 64 count Crayola crayons. If I wanted Burgundy or Salmon I had to ask in shame.
I finally did it. I gave my cat a bath today. It really wasn`t that bad. She enjoyed it. I enjoyed it. Other than the fur sticking to the roof of my mouth, it went well.
Family vacations: When you pay a lot of money to yell at your kids in exotic destinations, preferably on a balcony with an ocean view.
Admit it, we all have that special someone we`d visit if given a tank to drive for a day
It’s not pretty being easy.