Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
“What doesn’t kill you makes you smaller.” ~Mario
I`m in the awkward time period between not wanting to have pants on, and having to wait for the pizza guy right now...
I forgot to pay my bill to the exorcist and so I got re-possesed.
I was drivin home tonight and was singin away and seen a tree ahead and swerved to miss it and realized it was my air freshener hangin from my rear view mirror!!!! CLOSE CALL!!!
All the coffee beans in South America can`t make me a morning person.
I don`t know if getting everything I want would make me happy, but the opposite is not working at all.
There`s no use worrying about things you can`t control. Except for bodily functions...Hopefully you can control THEM. :/
If I had to choose between Star Wars and Star Trek, I`d probably choose beer.
My neighbour has diabetes and now she won`t make me cupcakes anymore, its like bad things always happen to me.
Babies are so cute because none of them are mine.
Sleep is for people with no internet connection.
My decision making skills closely resemble that of a squirrel when crossing the street.
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from your neighbor`s house is genius.
I just found a whip, a mask and handcuffs in my mom’s bedroom. I can’t believe it.. She’s a superhero!
If I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you. Knees to Chest, bitch, KNEES TO CHEST!!