Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Dear guys: Women don`t want pictures of your d!ck. Maybe try sending a screenshot of your bank statement and see where things go.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then go find somebody whose life gave them vodka and throw a party.
Types of like on facebook: 1.Stalker like. 2.Crush like. 3.I wanna bang you like. 4.Agree like 5.Pity like.
Million Dollar Idea: Hire a bunch of people with OCD and start a cleaning company.
Its all fun and games..until you get stuck on a level of candy crush!!!
No matter what the product, a good way to throw off an aggressive salesman is to interrupt him and ask, “Yes, but does it work on cats?”
I DON`T UNDERSTAND IT! WHY THE F*CK WOULD SOMEBODY BREAK INTO A HOUSE JUST TO STEAL A REMOTE CON - Never mind, I found it.
Seven years ago today I swallowed bubblegum ... I`ll keep you all posted.
I slept and woke up. (ok, lately this has become a major accomplishment in my life)
Lord please give me the strength not to go all Dexter on this mother f%#*er ... Amen
The only clubs I’m into are sandwiches.
I have a drinking problem. When I tilt my head back to take a drink, I can’t see my computer screen.
Question everything...Or should you?
I am really glad the shutdown is over. I`ll tell you something, it was very lonely being the only nonessential employee who was working.
As I get older, I`ve learned to relax and not stress over trivial matters. Just kidding, I`m drunk.