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I’m not paranoid, but everyone thinks I am.
Why hasn`t anyone invented a button next to the snooze which emails your boss to say you`re gonna be late?
thinks there are times when your the most beautiful girl in the world, and there are times when I’m sober.
Grab the bull by the horns. The other end is too gross...
How to create a weight-loss program: (1) Take a before picture. (2) Eat like a pig. (3) Take an after picture. (4) Switch the pictures.
Didn`t sleep much but I got a few solid hours of worrying done.
Sarcasm is like a good game of chess. Most people don`t know how to play chess.
I have two moods: sleep is for the weak and sleeping for a week.
POLITICS; from `poly` meaning `many and `Tics` meaning blood-sucking creatures. Just sayin`
Seriously contemplating remarrying my ex wife, but I`m pretty sure she`ll figure out that I`m just after my money
OMG guys!! im so happy!! the doctors just gave me a jacket so im always hugging myself!!
Ringing in the “New Year” apparently is not a valid excuse for showing up to work 3 hours late… in October.
Does swimming in debt count as cardio?
In life you will meet all sorts of people, happy, moody, shy, loud, weird, and then there`s me So deal with it mmuhaaaaaaaahaaahaaaa that`s right !
I used to be poor. Then I bought a thesaurus, and now I`m impecunious.