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I`d like to give a special thanks to my feet for supporting me and to my arms for being by my side at all times.
You will never be happier than a girl who just discovered her dress has pockets.
One time I snuck a whole rotisserie chicken into a movie, cause candy is for amateurs.
Monday comes saturday ends and somewhere in between i realized i slept the weekend away....):
You can`t fight Destiny. Because if you try to fight Destiny, then you have to fight the bouncers and the rest of the strippers too...
I like my coffee like I like my women, hot and a lot of alcohol in them
Good morning to some...Hello to others...And f*uck you to the rest!!
I hear lots of doctors are prescribing medical marijuana for arthritis. Given that arthritis is "inflammation of the joints", it`s fighting fire with fire!
I wish Facebook would notify me when people deleted me, that way I could like it
You don`t need training to be a street cleaner, you just pick it up as you go along.
I never thought you could really guess too low whenever a woman asks you her age. I guess 6 was pushing it.
If horror movies have taught me anything, it`s lock up your butcher knives if your child addresses you as "mother" or "father."
People at airports must not workout much because they are all using these treadmills wrong...
If you love something,, let it go..... That`s EXACTLY what I`ve done with my body....
My friend is showing me her new vegan handbag. I know vegans can be annoying, but should we really be making accessories out of them?