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At least mosquitos are attracted to me.
You never know a person until you walk in their shoes, or until you check their browser history.
When I want your opinion, I’ll give it a funny voice.
I`ll act my age when I`m 69..
Know why a room full of married people looks so empty? There’s not a Single person in it…
One of my biggest fear is being chased by Usain Bolt during zombie apocalypse.
I’m starting to think that some of you are misspelling words on porpoise.
Please, please don`t be a bitch to me. Because then I`ll have to be a bitch back and I can do it better than you.
Have you ever noticed how people who play candy crush are always saying they need a life?
Before telling me to listen to my heart you may want to check that it isn`t telling me to kick you in the shin!
I don´t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
Not to brag, but most of the problems that take Dora the Explorer 30 minutes to figure out, I can solve in like 18-20 minutes.
Hoping that Steve Harvey isn`t the one announcing the winning Powerball numbers tonight!
1) Second. 2) Minute. 3) Hour. 4) Day. 5) Week. 6) Month. 7) Year. 8) Decade. 9) Century. 10) Millennium. 11) Women buying clothes.
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so f**k it!