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Every time I use a public bathroom, I always wonder why so many people have Sharpies on them at all times.
How to know you have a sunburn: Smack the spot. If you scream in pain, its a sunburn
Jehovah`s witnesses tell the worst knock, knock jokes
Nothing makes you feel more insignificant than still having 85% battery at noon.
The word “fireplace” really reveals the creativity of our ancestors
Per Wikipedia, there are two kinds of scorpions. One can sting and kill you like a spider, the other can sing and rock you like a hurricane
Still hoping that one day I get to ride a kayak while it’s strapped to the top of someone’s car.
Someone once said, “Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” So, I’m pleased to announce the grand opening of my titty squeezing business!!
What doesn`t kill you makes you have lots of hospital bills.
Most problems can be solved with nudity.
If God didn`t want us to eat Animals he wouldn`t made them out of meat.
First thing I do when I realize I’m lost…turn the radio down.
I don’t want to rule the world… Just everything within a hundred square mile radius.
Went by the bank today and the female teller was flirting with me which was weird considering she saw my account balance.
Most bags of sand live a tough life stopping floods. But some, the lucky ones, live a leisurely life tied to the basket of a hot air balloon