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That mini heart attack you get when the parked car next to you moves and you think you’re moving.
That microwavable meal was delicious and filling! – no one ever
See, this is why I never like too wake up, it means doing things.
People tend to get angry when you treat them the same way they treat you.
"It`s cold!", "Happy birthday!", "I`m so blessed", "Political rant!"... There, now you don`t have to go to Facebook today. You`re welcome.
For Sale. Old batteries, free of charge.
This by far is your most f*ck up idea ever ... I`ll be there in 10 minutes.
The good thing about "poking" on Facebook, no babies are created.
Next time a guy asks for your number, write it down in Roman numerals. If he manages to call you, he`s a keeper.
If your cup is only half full, you probably need a smaller bra.
Engineers: "okay, so we agree the space between the seat and the console will allow people to see what they dropped but never retrieve it"
I spend so much time on the internet, that the priest pronounced us husband and wi-fi.
It`s that time of year again, to reflect and remember how much I love my tax deductions. Kids... I meant my kids.
is it rude to throw a breath-mint in someone`s mouth while they are talking?
Drinking doesn’t make me post better Facebook status updates; it just makes me not care what you think of them…