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I`m never wrong. One time, I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.
I`m 99.9% certain that every time a sock goes missing in the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid
Difference between men and women: Women can change their mind whenever they want. Men can change their mind whenever the woman wants.
"It`s cold!", "Happy birthday!", "I`m so blessed", "Political rant!"... There, now you don`t have to go to Facebook today. You`re welcome.
Do you ever get bored on the internet and then grab your phone to see what the other, smaller internet is up to?
I bet the guy who invented fake dog poo was upset the name "shampoo" was taken
The Brain ? Forgets what I want to remember, Remembers what I want to forget.
Hey guys with your phone in a hip holster, is it because your purse is too full with tampons?
Time to train for my favorite winter sport. Extreme Hibernation.
My favorite part about your rant on how much you hate social media sites was when you posted it from a social media site.
I dig, she digs, he digs, they dig, we dig. its not a good poem but its really deep.
I think it has become obvious that medicine companies have no idea what fruit tastes like.
Due to the rising cost of ammunition I will no longer be able to provide a warning shot. Thanks for your understanding.
Facebook really needs a “pee on someone’s wall” option.
Let It Snow is my favorite song about people who don`t understand how weather works.