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It`s not working. I`ve napped every day this week at work and not a single raise or promotion. Sleeping my way to the top was a stupid idea.
Poetry would be a lot harder if violets were orange.
Look, all I`m saying is if you didnt want me to take my clothes off and do an interpretive dance you should have turned off Michael Jacksons "man in the mirror".
You can`t fix stupid, but you can always drink more beer.
This day is going downhill faster than a wagon full of fat kids!
Just stepped on the scale. Now I have to replace a broken window and add $467 to the curse word jar.
During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? "Over there by mine", was not the answer I was expecting.
I saw my ex girlfriend broken down with two flat tires this morning which made me late for work... Nine times I drove past before she noticed me laughing at her.
A date with Destiny.. Cause strippers need lovin` too.
Talk to your kids about drugs. Maybe they have better connections than you.
I wish I had money so I could be eccentric instead of just weird.
My son wants to be a shrink when he grows up... Clearly I`ve failed to teach him our family`s place in the psychiatric process...
Women use sex to get stuff, men lose stuff because of sex.
Copy this and paste it in your status if you know someone, or have heard of someone who knows someone.. If you don´t know anyone, or even if you´ve heard of someone who doesn´t know anyone, then do still copy this. It´s important to spread the message. Oh and the hearts ? ? ? ? For crap´s sake, don´t forget the hearts! ? ? ? ?
Wow, it`s beautiful outside. I should probably do something. Like close the blinds so there isn`t a glare on my screen.