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I wonder what “don’t touch” is in Braille....
There are no bad pictures. That`s just how your face looks sometimes.
Be the reason someone smiles today. Or the reason they drink. You choose your own adventure.
I hope I’m the last guy on earth — I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
I found $80 in my jeans. The kid in me says "Buy Nerf guns and candy", but the adult in me says "Buy vodka, Nerf guns and candy".
You might be addicted to Facebook if you read my post`s every day...
How come "you`re a peach" is a complement but "you`re bananas" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?
A hard thing about business is minding your own
Pretty much always 3-5 seconds away from just laying down wherever I am.
The first snow of spring is always the most beautiful
If I could time travel, I`d make sure the guy who made up the word Walkie-Talkie got to name more things.
Christmas is just like a day at the office ... You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
I wish bedtime was all the time.
I will pay good money to anyone who can take me from work, make it look like an abduction and tuck me back into bed.
Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention Morons!