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I`m pretty sure my guardian angel just sits there watching me suffer, while rolling her eyes and painting her nails.
I often wonder how things worked out for that guy who grabbed the bull by the horns.
I was feeling down...then all of a sudden I felt myself up. Win, win situation! ;)
It`s weird how we are all here because of boners
This is the earliest I have ever been late.
I`d love to have a sex change. Preferably from `none` to `absolutely sh!tloads`.
Live life to its fullest even if that means eating everything in the fridge
Dodgeball, but with random people who don`t know that they are playing..............
Just convinced my Mom she won`t get Wolf of Wall Street if she doesn`t see Teen Wolf first.
None of my coworkers get why I have fishbowl with no fish. It`s because fish can`t survive in my secret reservoir of vodka.
I wonder if anyone has watched Storage Wars and said, "Hey, that`s my stuff!"?
Falling in love when lonely is a lot like shopping when hungry, you end up with a bunch of sh!t you don`t need.
I consider each one of my friends a gift. Now if only I could remember where I put some of those receipts.
I think I have 10 inches of Global Warming on my driveway.
My life is based on a true story