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My Therapist told me not to drink while I`m on my Meds but little does she know...I`ve been off my Meds for almost a week now!
I don`t know how many girls it takes to change a light bulb, but I guarantee we`d post pictures of us doing it on Facebook.
I feel so stupid for cashing in my retirement account early. But then I always feel stupid using the Coinstar machine.
Dating someone based only on looks is so shallow. Consider other things, like, do they have a lot of money.
The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.
If you loose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
Porn is a lot like yoga pants. Not everybody should be in them.
My head has that drunk on cheap alcohol feel without me getting to actually drink the alcohol :(
I`m not getting married till Pizza Hut allows gift registry.
If zombies attack the world, everyone will run and hide. Except for us gamers, of course. We`ve been waiting for this all our lives!
If we`re in a situation where I am the "voice of reason," then we are in a very very bad situation.
You get wasted, swear to much, and your morals are questionable. You`re everything I`m looking for in a friend.
My ice bucket challenge: 1. Buy bucket 2. Add ice 3. Add 12 beers 4. Sign into FB and drink
Everyone wants their kid to learn to walk until exactly 30 seconds after their kid learns to walk.
There are some people in this world who make you totally understand Hannibal Lecter.