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**TORNADO WARNING** Everyone head to Giants Stadium. Safest place to avoid a touch down.
I love hearing rumors about me...that`s how I find out what I`ve been doing.
I was playing catch phrase with my family and the phrase I got was `pearl necklace` .. And then I ruined family time...
My wife and I decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty hard.
Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them an extra bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.
There’s always that last setting on your windshield wipers that makes you go “damn, calm the f*ck down!”
??q? uo p??oq??? ? ?nq i ??i? ?s?? ??? si si??
All i wanna know is how this website knew my name is Guest?
There are only two types of honest people in this world.....small children and drunk people.
Like a good neighbor, strip clubs are there
9/10 students agree that someone got lost on the field trip
I`m not giving the kids a time out. I`m giving myself one. The thought of sitting in a corner & being ignored sounds just heavenly.
Sorry I`m late, my alarm didn`t go off, because I didn`t set it ... because I don`t like coming here
Calling your girlfriend beautiful because you forgot her name.
I`m honest, so when I say I took a "cat nap" that means that I slept for 18 hours and then pissed on your favorite shirt after I woke up.