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A baby`s laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear, Unless it`s 3am. And you don`t have a baby, And you`re home alone.
Texting typos can change your life. "Having a great time wish you were her"
If electricity comes from electrons… does that mean that morality comes from morons?
Pac-Man taught me that you can eat ghosts if you take enough pills.
If you scream in a library, people just look at you funny. If you scream on an airplane, everyone joins in.
Coffee, you`re on the bench ... Alcohol suit up!!
If I get an e-mail from you that says "Sent from my Blackberry" at the bottom, please understand that I`m not going to respond. I can only assume that you sent it in 2006.
I’m alone in my car. Counting it as a vacation.
Today is that day where anything you read online could be totally made up. Oh, wait, that`s every day.
Confucius would have been great at Status Updates......
Tried to make a stew and accidentally summoned a demon again.
I ordered a new GPS unit, but it got lost in the mail.
Why is it when you take a break from Facebook everyone assumes you`re happy and in love ... Maybe I was in jail.
A Shout Out to all the beautiful women who don`t need to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! The rest of you, come with me.
The other night, I posted on Facebook I was going to sleep shirtless. The next day I logged on and saw 7 mosquitoes "like" this.