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When I try to fold fitted sheets it looks like I’m in an infomercial that’s exaggerating how difficult it is to fold fitted sheets.
I`ll never understand why single women waste so much time on dating websites when there are so many eligible bachelors right here in this adult bookstore.
Two Best Advices For Safe Life : 1. Always Speak The Truth, No Matter How Bitter Harsh It Is ... 2. Run Immediately After Saying It..
If you have to ask if it`s too early to drink wine...You`re an amateur and we can`t be friends.
"Do not touch" must be one of the scariest things to read in braille
I don`t see the point of sex if the neighbours don`t hear it.
Roses are Red Violets are Blue, If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
Who ever said, "The customer is always right", clearly never worked with the public a day in their life.
I see you`ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
If you`ve never actually got dressed, got in your car & pretended to drive "to work" to get a chick to leave your house then you`re not me.
30 seconds left on the microwave ~ Women: set table, pour drinks, tweet, talk on the phone ~ Men: do the space shuttle countdown
If you don’t already hate people, the mall is a great place to start.
I admit ive been known to wrap bacon in bacon just for the extra bacon flavor
Sweat pants & Uggs in public says "and I didn`t brush my teeth, either."
The best trick the devil ever pulled was calling herself "him".