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Every woman is beautiful in her own unique way. Sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it.
If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square?
Apparently it was a bad idea to ask Siri, "What do women want?" She`s been talking for the last 2 days and doesn`t seem ready to shut up anytime soon.
Therapy helps ... but screaming obscenities is faster and cheaper!
Dyslexics of the world.. UNTIE!
With the rise of self-driving vehicles, eventually there will be a country song about how your truck left you too.
SOCIAL WORKER: cop without a gun, judge without a gavel.
Don`t ask me stupid questions and I won`t hurt your stupid feelings.
Being a camera must be pretty cool. You get to sleep until there`s something cool to see.
I was about to do something awesome, again, but I told myself “Enough is enough, that’s plenty of awesome for one day”
You post all of your drama on Facebook. Then get upset when people judge you? You must be a special kind of stupid.
Might wake up early and go running but I also might win the lottery, the odds are about the same
Struggling to get your wife`s attention?.....just sit down and look comfortable.
I`m at that "licking peanutbutter off a spoon" time to go grocery shopping point....
Shouldn`t old people drive faster than everyone else since they have less time left to waste?