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Ambulance is spelled backwards on the front so when you look in your rearview mirror you don`t confuse it with the other giant siren cubes.
This is just a quick shout-out to bread bowls, waffle cones and other edible containers. You guys are doing a great job.
I hate situations where I have to acknowledge the people I had been successfully ignoring.
I think it`s safe to assume that people buying stock in twitter have never actually been on twitter.
I wanna be skinny but I also want to have pizza for breakfast lunch and dinner, you feel me?
Stop dwelling on the past and start f*cking up the future.
Million dollar idea: Pills that you can take with alcohol.
Fun thing to do: Go to a parking lot and put sticky notes on peoples cars saying "sorry for the damage" and watch them look for it
I`m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You`re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what`s going on here.
When i see a person hailing a cab, i run quickly by them and slap them a high five just to boost their enthusiasm!
All I’m saying is you don’t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
You don`t get smarter as you get older. There just aren`t any stupid things left that you haven`t already done.
Was up all night wondering, why do people compliment me for having all my sh!t together & yet still insult me for being full of it?
With my luck, I’ll die and get reincarnated as myself.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist. While you guys were arguing about the glass of water. I drank it. – The Opportunist