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When people ask me what I`m going to be on Halloween, the answer is always the same: really drunk
The first step to admitting you have a problem is having a problem.
first show me the benefits and then I`ll decide if we can be friends.
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who’s free for the weekend.
My new plan is to ignore my problems until they become hilarious stories.
You`re never too old to learn something stupid.
This girl says she wants me to butter her muffin.. I don’t even know what that means but now I’m hungry.
In light of recent events, I have no choice but to deduct a full star from my Yelp review of Earth.
I really like compliments but I don`t want anyone talking to me...
My key to happiness is probably lost somewhere in the junk drawer.
My therapist says I`m paranoid, which is exactly what you might expect from a shapeshifting lizard hired by the CIA to track my whereabouts.
Know your customer. Think like an idiot.
In the 60`s we took LSD to make the world look wierd. Now the world is weird and we take Prozac to make it look normal.
Man cannot live on bread alone ... hence beer and stuff.
Looks like you have a lot on your mind. Do you wanna drink about it?