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Telling my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage
You think you are too small to make a difference? then you have never spent a single night with a mosquito.
In my porno they`d deliver the pizza after they had sex because otherwise it`d just get cold.
Dating should be like buying a car. You should get to talk to the previous owners... SHOW ME THE MANFAX!!
A cheap way to get Botox face is by walking your dog in zero degree temperature.
Show me, on this cat calendar, how long it`s been since you`ve had a date?
Somehow I`m not nearly as overjoyed with this vegetable slicer as the woman on the infomercial was.
I’m old enough to know what’s bad for me and young enough to do it.
Common sense is so rare it should be classified as a super power
Can anybody PLEASE tell me where you buy Common Sense?? I know several people that need some!!!
Not only am I a master of suspense, but I...
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: "Why am I talking to myself?"
I think that work and microwave minutes are longer than regular minutes.
Whenever I see a woman breastfeeding in public, my first reaction is to get in line.
Nothing says " My divorce didn`t go as planned " quite like the guy with grocery bags hanging on the sides of his bicycles handlebars